Perfect Snapshots: Episodes Five: Voice

Next

Next

---

---

Episode Five: Voice

---

I had several messages waiting for me on the phone when we got back to the house after the tattoo parlor. Bella quickly excused herself off to bed. Though I was tired, I wasn’t ready to sleep. So, of course, I sat by the pool with a smoke. I decided to answer my sister’s text first. 


It read, “how’s the ink?”


“Nice. I like it.” I lit my joint, taking a long drag as I waited for her undoubtedly quick reply. 


“Are you around?” She asked me instantly. “Can you talk?”


“Sure,” I answered back. Within a second, my phone rang. "Hey, Sasha." 

​
“Hey, baby brother. So, did it hurt?” She asked quickly, her voice clearly amused. 


“Yes,” I said with a laugh. 


“Think you’ll get more?”


“Oh, for sure,” I laughed again. “I love the results.”


“That picture was nice. It’s very cool. Mum is going to be fuming,” she giggled.


“Well, Mum can go fuck herself with a cactus,” I mumbled. 


Part of the reason I decided to get a tattoo in the first place was her trash talking Jasper over all of his. In front of him, I might add. Not that he could hear her. It was at the party for the birth of my youngest niece. But if he had, it wouldn’t have been the first time she insulted him to his face. My mother was never shy about her opinions. She openly hated Jasper. 


“Ow,” she breathed. “That’s harsh.”


“So, befitting?”


“Very.” I could almost see her smirk that matched mine. Sasha, Tanya, and I looked the most alike. Carmen and Irina looked like, taking more after our mother. “So, how are you otherwise, Tony?”


It was weird being called Tony after so many months of going by Eddie or Edward all the time. My family and friends in Australia had all always called me by middle name. When I moved to America, I decided to make the change from Tony to Eddie complete. I thought it was just part of the actor’s mask, but I knew it was starting to change me as a person. I didn’t want to be Tony anymore. Eddie was happier and liked himself more. Edward was a smart businessman and was making money hand over fist. Tony was the anxious little fat boy who hid in his room eating Tim Tams and playing World of Warcraft for ten hours a day.


“Good,” I answered distractedly. 


“What do you have going on?” She questioned me since I wasn’t giving her much to work with. 


“Well, actually, do you know that pretty picture I sent to you and for mom’s birthday-” I began. She quickly interrupted me. 


“Oh, yes! I love it! It’s so lovely, Tony! Thank you. Mum liked hers too, surprisingly.”


“Well, that’s good. The photographer that took them is following me around this week, actually. She’s even staying in my house, oddly enough. It’s for a magazine,” I explained. 


“Well, tell her she’s very talented. I love it very much and look forward to purchasing more.”


“Mm, I will,” I hummed. I wasn’t sure if I would say anything or not. 


“What’s her name?” Sasha pressed further curiously. I could hear Peppa Pig in the background. I wondered who and how many of my nieces were watching the cartoon. My sister was very bored as a housewife.


“Bella.”


“Ooo. Sound’s Italian.”


I laughed, “she’s not. I think she’s maybe part Latino. She’s from Texas, but she lives in New York City,” I explained to her. “She’s not sure, actually. We’ve talked about it a little.”

 
“Oh, I see,” she said knowingly. Sasha paused for a moment. “So, is her name fitting?”


My nosy sister was asking if she was pretty. I chuckled and sighed. 


“Very,” I said quietly. 


Sasha giggled, “oh, you sound dreamy. She must be something. What does she look like?”


“I’ll send you a picture later,” I said. She knew me perhaps better than anyone else in my family. Actually, all of my sisters knew me well and probably exchanged information. That was fine. I already knew they were a team that stuck together. They worked better that way. “She is something though,” I agreed with her. “She’s exciting to be around, honestly. She got a tattoo with me tonight. Just decided on the spot.”


“Oh, wow!”


"As someone who plans the fuck out of everything, I was very impressed," I chuckled again, teasing myself mostly. "I don't think tattoos are a big deal to her, though. She has a bunch. She's obviously spent a mint on them, too. All of them are so bright, like her pictures. Everything about her is so vivid. Honestly, I've never met a person where the word ‘vivacious' would fit, but it's exactly what Bella is. Amazing and vivacious.”


“Tony!” My sister said in her gushing tone. “Are you dating?”


“What? No,” I laughed automatically in embarrassment. “I just met her two days ago.”


“But, you’re going to date.”


“No.”


“Yes, you are,” she said quickly. 


I laughed at her words. Sasha thought she knew everything. “Okay, well, as much as I’d like that to be true, I don’t think that’s how that’s going to work. She lives in New York City. We’re both busy. She’s leaving next Monday.”


“Oh, brother. You called her vivacious. You’re going to date her. You’re already in love with her,” she sounded like she was in school again. I just laughed harder. “What?”


“How do you do that? Hm?”


“Know that you’re in love? Maybe because I know you so well?” She questioned. I actually meant sound so confident when she was so full of shit, but I would let her have it.  “I helped raise you, my darling baby brother. So, you’re in love with her?”

“No,” I snorted, shaking my head. Maybe. I lit the joint again, taking another hit. I would not be telling her a single thing about my confused feelings. 


“What does Jasper think?” Of course, she knew that I had spoken to my best friend obsessively about it. 


I couldn’t help but smirk to myself, taking another drag. “He thinks it’s exciting drama.”


“It is! Keep me updated. Can I ask him questions?”


“He’s your friend, too. It’s not like I’ve sworn him to secrecy.” I didn’t care what my sisters knew, most of the time. I knew if they wanted to know one of them would push until they found out anyway. They seemed to know me better than I knew myself, sometimes. Jasper would cheerfully and in a funny way probably tell her to fuck off though.  


“I love how accepting you are of our bullshit,” she told me in a laugh. 


“I expect it. I accept it. I’m used to it. I know it’s done with love,” I replied honestly. “So, how are the girls? I miss them. Tell me everything. Did they like the presents I sent them? And how did Ruby’s swim thing go?”


We talked for another hour before I let her go. I missed her terribly but enjoyed the phone conversations we were having. It was like when she went off to college when I was younger, and we spoke almost every other night. Her leaving was perhaps the hardest for me. When Irina finally went, I was excited to be by myself. Tanya lived at home during university, and Carmen left when I was very little. She was fifteen when I was born, though.  


Being the youngest by six years meant I also had the longest amount of alone time with my parents. It was a curse and a blessing. Being alone and lonely also started me making videos, though. I would still much rather have been a happy teen than a YouTube celebrity.  


When I got off the phone with Sasha, I had several text messages from Jasper. I had already sent him the footage from the day before I called my sister and he was probably skimming through it. 


“The way she sucks that sugar off her fingers should be illegal.


She’s so funny. 


Wtf, how much can she eat? Where does it go? Just to her ass and tits?


I think Seth and Tyler like her, too. 


I bet she likes a little pain, winky face, winky face, winky face. 


He almost dropped the camera lol Holy shit. Me too, gov. I can’t believe she took off her shirts like it was nothing. Omg, all of your faces hahaha. On camera, too! I don’t think she’s shy at all. 


Her tattoos tho. Mmmmmmm… My kind of lady. 


Duddddeee… You seriously look like you’re about to eat her lol Like you’re a half-second from just onnomnomnoming her face off. And all of you are openly staring at her tits. All fucking three of you. I’ve watched several good pornos that started that way. 10/10 would watch this one.” 


I laughed at all of them, shaking my head. I decided to just call him. It was easier that way.
 

“I might actually be in love with this woman,” I joked when he answered. “Between her accent, her tattoos, her curly hair, and sassy ass little attitude…” I trailed off. 


Jasper laughed in return. “Sassy is one word for it. She’s quite the feisty one. I do love her tattoos.”


“Me too.”


“Lots of rainbows. Wonder if she’s gay,” he said offhandedly. 


The thought hadn’t occurred to me. “Oh? I don’t know. She was married to a man.”


“She could be bisexual. Or pan. Or a whole host of things. Sexuality is a fluid spectrum,” he said casually. Sex and sexuality had never been a subject he shied away from. He was purposefully a pervert for the fun of it.


“I suppose,” I commented. 


“I think she likes you either way,” he replied. “She’s flirting with you pretty hard.”


“Do you think?”
 

"Yes," he laughed again. He thought I was being stupid and I could tell by his tone. "I haven't watched everything, but I'd say she's at the very least interested." 


“I actually really like her,” I admitted quietly. “As a person. I’m starting to get worried.”


“About what exactly?”


“What if the girl of my dreams lives a thousand miles away and isn’t interested in me?”


Jasper sighed, "well, she does live far away, but like I said…" he trailed off. "You know it's all up to you. You're the man. Take charge. Be bold and take chances. You can do that in your career. Apply your skills here." 


I laughed bitterly. “That has never once worked.”


“You learn more from failure,” he tried to encourage. 


“I don’t think I could take this failure,” I conceded. “It doesn’t matter. Anyway, we’ve talked about this shit too much. Tell me about your day. Is your boss still being a prick?”


“Yes, of fucking course he’s still a goddamn prick,” he began to rant angrily. 


I stayed up way too late and went to sleep later than I meant to. I forgot to set my alarm. When I woke up at ten thirty, I threw myself out of bed and into the shower.  


Bella was waiting for me in the living room, dressed in a pretty blue silk blouse and once again blue jeans. She looked lovely.
 

"Sorry, sorry, sorry. I should have been up sooner. We'll stop for something to eat on the way," I apologized as I shoved my stuff in my pockets for the day. I was embarrassed about not being ready to go sooner. I hated being in a rush. I wanted to be early for everything. "I couldn't sleep." It wasn't entirely a lie. I spent too much time talking to Jasper instead of going to bed.  
 

“That sucks. I woke up at five,” Bella commented as she watched me patiently. I quickly looked up at her in shock. 


“Jesus, I'm sorry.”


She gave me a small sweet smile, looking down at her feet bashfully. “Oh, it's fine. My body is still used to home. Time zone and everything. I got pictures of the sunrise, though. It was gorgeous.”


“Oh, well, that's good then. I can't wait to see them.” I smiled at her. I wondered if I would actually get to see all the pictures she was taking. She had taken literally thousands the day before. Of what exactly, I had no idea. 


I felt flustered and hated so much that we were in a rush because of me. Bella seemed quietly unbothered. Despite that, my anxiety ate at me as we stopped for food. 


"I must seem a little bit of a mess," I mumbled as I took a bite of my breakfast sandwich. Looking forward to the studio, I knew I was in for a long day. This was a big project, and I wanted all of it to go right. I wasn't exactly in the right headspace, though. 


“Why would I think that?” She asked me curiously, her head cocked to the side slightly. Bella offered me some of her fruit. Carefully, I took a green piece of melon. It was delicious, especially with my ham and cheese sandwich with egg. It made me wish I had ordered some to go with mine as well, but I didn’t really have time for that. I wanted to eat away all my stress. 


“I sleep till almost noon every day. I'm not that organized. I'm kind of winging it.”


Bella slowly shook her head. “I don't care when you sleep. You work hard, so you do you. And, you're here early, so I don't see how this is disorganized. I don't judge you for it. You're doing better than me. That's for sure.”


“I don't like rushing,” I admitted to her. Bella shrugged in response. 


“No one does. And everyone is winging it. Just so you know.”


"I suppose that's true," I said in a nervous sigh before gulping down my Earl Grey tea quickly. I didn't want to waste it, and the hot liquid was good for my throat.  


She stopped and considered me hard for a long minute. “You really are anxious, aren't you?” Bella stopped before softening her voice, “that sounds insulting. I don't mean it to be. I mean, I'm anxious, too. I understand how you feel. Don't worry. Don't listen to the little voices, you're doing just fine. I'm not judging you.”


Bella was so kind, gentle, and sincere. She meant every word she said. I had heard the words before at my doctor’s office actually. 


“You've been in therapy,” I said offhandedly as I looked over at her. 


“Oh, for years and years. Can't you tell?” She smiled before scrunching up her nose. “It sucks, but I get it.”


I wished she didn't get it. I wished no one ever felt the anxiety that I did. I wished I could take all her stress from her. Closing my eyes for just a second, I took in a deep breath through my nose and out my mouth before sighing heavily.  


“I need to get in there.”


"You got this. I'm excited to see you do your work. I have no idea how any of this is done so you'll have to teach me everything," she said with a big smile. Bella was so warm and reassuring. It instantly made me feel more excited. I wanted to perform flawlessly for her. 
 

As I opened her car door for her, I slipped on my actor’s mask. It was time to be Eddie again.


“It's easy. I stand in a black closet and make crazy noises for several hours straight.”


“Sounds exciting,” she said with a sly little smile, her voice purposefully dry.
 

“Very,” I said as I looked back at her, opening the door as I made my eyes wide. I loved her answering smirk and swaying hips as she followed behind. 


“Mr. Cullen!” One of the many assistants working on the series called to me excitedly as soon as I came into the building. I was, shockingly, right on time. “If you and Ms. Swan could just follow me right this way. We’ve got your booth all ready to go.”


“Perfect. Thank you!”


"Do you need anything?" She asked, pleasantly.  


“No. Thank you,” I said as charmingly as possible. “I’ll see you in a couple of hours,” I said to Bella. She smiled at me and pressed a hand on my forearm. 


“You’re going to be amazing,” she told me. “I’m so glad I get to watch you do this.”


“I’m…” Speechless. I took in a deep breath. “Thank you. I’m glad you’re here, too. I hope you have fun. I’ll try my best for you,” I said teasingly even if I meant it.  


"I have no doubt," she grinned before following the assistant into the recording booth with all the controls. I could see her through the glass. Bella gave me a little smile as she stood in the corner. It was apparent she was trying to make herself as small and out of the way as possible.  


I acted my ass off. Stretching my voice, I tried to be as perfect as possible. And it showed. It showed on Bella's face, especially. I could see her smiling behind her camera, laughing at my stupidity. I saw it in the reaction of the voice director, Claudette. She was a lovely thin African American woman with astounding cotton white hair. 
 

“You’re on it today!” She praised when we took a little break. “I’m loving everything you’re doing.”


“I know, right?” I smirked at her. I needed Bella to watch me every time I voice acted. 


"So, let's talk about this new Disney thing. I think for your character…" She went on, chatting with me while Bella took our pictures. I tried my best not to smile too much and act natural. Normally, I didn't like my photo to be taken very much. I wanted her to take mine, though. 
 

The result of giving one thousand percent though was being exhausted at the end of the day. And hungry. My bagel sandwich was not enough by any means. Bella easily agreed to pizza. I stopped at the first random shop I saw. I had never eaten there before, but I was all about trying new places, even outside of work. 


“Can I have half lemonade, half tea?” Bella asked the waitress politely after I ordered a tall draft beer and chicken wings. I needed something cold for my throat. It probably wasn’t the best idea, but I didn’t care. “And can I also have a side salad with extra tomatoes and no onions with mine?”


“Sure,” the waitress said, writing it down quickly as she continued to eye me. I knew that look. She was trying to figure out where she knew me from. I hoped she didn’t ask or figure it out.


Bella leaned her chin on her palm with a little frown on her pretty lips as she poked at her grape tomato in her salad. I watched her over my wings, wondering what she was thinking about. She seemed almost depressed. 


“How is it?”


Her lips pushed to one side before she scrunched up her nose. “It's fine.”


She was not enjoying either the food or the company. I hoped it wasn’t me. 


“You don't seem very enthusiastic about it,” I offered hopefully. 


“Oh,” Bella’s face reddened slightly as she sat up straight in her chair. She shrugged her delicate shoulders. “I don't know. I miss real food. It's fine.”


“This isn't real food?”
 

Leaning her head to a slight angle, she considered her words carefully. “I miss my own cooking, I mean. I'm spoiled to my own food. I don't usually eat out this much in a row anymore. I do the cooking for me and my roommate.”


“What do you like to cook?” I was just relieved it wasn’t me. I had almost forgotten she said she cooked during college at an Italian place. I could see her being a good one and wondered if she would ever be willing to do so for me. 


"I try to do healthy stuff, but Alice and I are working on being fatties. So, lots of carbs and cheese," she explained with a little eye roll at herself.  


“So, like pizza,” I said with a little laugh. 


“We do pizza a lot. I do a lot of Tex-Mex. Being Texans it's one of our great loves, but you can't get it good anywhere outside of Texas really.”


LA had its lovely share of Mexican food. Some of it claimed to be Tex-Mex. I didn’t know the difference honestly. It all just tasted good to me.
 

“What makes it Tex-Mex?”


Bella giggled, “you see, you stuff it with cheese. Then you deep fry it and then you cover it in a cheese sauce. Then put more shredded cheese on top. Then add salsa and all you can eat chips.”


My mouth actually watered, and my sad excuse of wings was now just disappointing. But, at least the company was charming.  


“Oh, my hips just got wider thinking about it,” I joked a bit too high pitched, my accent slipping somewhere weird. I had worked too long. ”Oi, I became me Gran there for a sec.” She giggled again, smiling at me. I returned it. “I eat terribly, too,” I admitted.
 

"I've noticed," Bella said with a little smirk, looking between the bland barbeque chicken and me.  


“It is literally the only reason I work out," I said in a joking tone. It was dangerously true. I was a chubby child because I so loved to eat. It was how I coped with every negative emotion I had. It wasn't until secondary school, and Jasper and I both started running that I realized the joys of being able to eat more food because you exercise.  


 “You could afford to pay someone to do that, you know. Cook, I mean.”


"For just me? Seems a waste." I shook my head. I hated having a maid come in, but I hated cleaning more. And that was what delivery services were for. I wasn't going to tell her that though. It was the same reason I didn't want a personal assistant, even if I could use one.  


"Well, you're worth a lot now. Your health is your greatest asset. The healthier you are, the more you can work. And you may look great, but looks can be deceiving. It's what's inside that counts."  


As soon as the words left her lips, I knew she wasn’t talking about me. Bella was talking about her husband. She said he was healthy in the video and she still seemed bitter. I wanted to ask her a million questions about it but also didn’t want to pry. How hard must it have been for her? She was perhaps twenty-eight or twenty-nine when she became a widow. It seemed tragically young. Bella was right, though. My health was an asset I needed to protect. I knew what I was. 


The waiter laid the pizza down between us. 


“You're right. I guess I have to see myself as a product now.”


Bella frowned at my answer. “That's rather unnerving. But we're all products in some way. We're always trying to sell ourselves to someone for something. Ugh, depressing.” She took a bite of her pizza, making a little face. On the table was the spicy honey that had become so popular of late. She drizzled a bunch on it. She seemed to enjoy it more, taking another bite. “But, it is always important to care about your health. It's selfish not to.”


“Selfish, how?”


“People love you. Your family. Friends. They deserve the best you so you can do the best for them. You don't have to be a vegan who works out four hours a day. But you can at least try to eat whole, freshly cooked food, and stuff... not salt soaked cardboard. At least every once in a while.”


Bella wasn’t thinking of me in terms of a product. She was thinking of me as someone who was cherished and who would be missed. The pretty photographer could have been an excellent life coach.


I gulped down my beer and ordered a water to drink as the waiter passed. 


“You're not wrong. It gives me something to at least consider. I am going to be so busy soon, too. How do you even hire someone to do that, you know?” I admitted to her in a sad little sigh. 


“Google is amazing,” she replied sarcastically. 


I nodded my head in embarrassment, rubbing my fingers over the back of my neck as it heated. I must have seemed so naive to her. So young. “Oh. Duh. Right. True story. There is probably a website.”


“Probably a few.”


"This adulting thing is goddamn tedious. I'm good at getting my bills paid, but I lack all the other skills I need, I think," I tried to joke.  


Bella then added a fucking ton of red pepper flakes to her slice of pepperoni pizza. On top of the spicy honey. So, she likes things on the hotter side... 


She leaned in little before she spoke, "that's more than some can accomplish. I'll tell you a secret, though... It's always going to be something. You can't do everything for yourself all the time. It's okay to delegate and to ask for help.”


I wasn't sure what to say to her insightful words. She wasn't chiding me. It felt like this woman whom I had only known for three days actually cared about me. She wanted me to be healthy so that I could be happy. So I could be there for those whom I loved and loved me. It felt as if she was looking at me like no one had in a very long time. Perhaps ever.  


I realized I hadn’t said anything in a very long time and needed to speak. 


“I forget that sometimes,” my mouth answered for me.
 

Bella nodded her head, glancing over at me before giving me a reassuring smile. "Everyone does." 


Once we arrived back to the house, Bella again quickly excused herself off to bed. I couldn’t imagine how tired she was if she woke up at five in the morning. I was tired, too. 


For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel the need to smoke before I went to bed. I was already exhausted. When I slipped under the covers, I decided to send Jasper a message before I fell asleep. I hadn't spoken to him all day.  


“I realize that I said it jokingly before, but I might actually be in love with this woman.” 

---

Back

Next

---

This Episode goes with episode six of Imperfect Pictures!

Imperfect Pictures Episode Six!

---

Download the EPUB of Episode Six of Perfect Snapshots!

Download the PDF of Episode Six of Perfect Snapshots!!