Perfect Snapshots: Episode: Forty-eight: Night Terrors

6/3/2020

Perfect Snapshots: Episode: Forty-eight: Night Terrors

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Episode: Forty-eight: Night Terrors

Nightmares. I had so many fucking nightmares. Stupid murder documentary. I watched Bella or Jasper get hurt in a thousand ways as we were chased through the old LA Zoo. Their screams of agony made me want to die, too. I was trembling with fear, cowering away from some unseen force. I felt as if the shadows were going to eat me.

“Edward. Love. Wake up, please,” I heard Bella’s sweet voice call to me. I thought it was still part of the dream because it was so hard to open my eyes. Everywhere hurt a thousand times worse than it did in the days before. Her fingers dragged over my skin, and finally, I peeled them open. “Sweetie, you have a fever. You’re sick.”

“I believe you,” I mumbled stupidly.

Bella was frowning, clearly worried. Her mismatched eyes kept moving over my face. “We need to get you to a doctor. I’m going to make you an appointment for as soon as I can at a clinic, and then I’ll run to the Duane Reed next door to get you something for the fever for now.”

“Okay. I have an insurance card in my wallet. Take some of the cash for the medicine,” I explained. I couldn’t even move my arm to point at it. I didn’t have the energy.

“Alright. You’ve obviously got a fever and chills. What else is going on?”

“I ache all over,” I said right away. That was the one thing I knew for sure. I hurt so much.

She pushed her lips to one side. “How’s your stomach?”

“Fine. My head hurts. So does my throat,” I noted. As if to make a point, I coughed. It rattled my chest and made a glob of mucus shoot out of my nose. “Ew, god. So much snot.” I couldn’t stop hacking. Hurriedly, she fetched me a box of tissues.

Bella got the card and sat on the bed so she could look up where to call. I curled into her side. “I am so sorry,” I whimpered.

Absently, she rubbed the back of my neck as she typed with one hand. “No. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

After she arranged the appointment for me, she fluttered around the room for a moment to get dressed. As much as I loved her naked body, there was no reaction. I was so annoyed. At myself and whoever the fuck got me sick on my vacation.

“Alright, I’ll be back in a few minutes,” she informed me as she went to go get her keycard. We had always been together, so she didn’t need it.

“Did you take cash?”

She shook her head. “I can get your aspirin,” she sardonically replied.

“Just take the damn money, woman. I’m going to need more than aspirin,” I growled before I could stop myself. I regretted it as soon as I did.

My girlfriend raised her eyebrows at me, tilting her face to the side. She wasn’t impressed, nor should she have been. I was a prat. “Oo, someone is a cranky bitch when they’re sick,” she remarked before taking it from my wallet. She held up two of the bills before shoving them into her pocket.

“Sorry,” I pouted, pulling the covers over my head. I was an asshole, but too sick to be apologetic about it. But I knew I would have to make it up to her later.

Within moments of her leaving to get the medicine, I fell back asleep. I wasn’t sure how long she was gone. My brain quickly started with the dreams again, colorful and unpleasant. Even in my nightmares, I realized my shivering was because I was ill in the waking world.

Gingerly, Bella played with my hair to rouse me. “Let’s check your temperature, hm?” she offered in a gentle voice. I nodded, allowing her to put the device under my tongue. As it started, she wiped my forehead with a wet washcloth. She frowned at the number when it beeped. “Okay, I’m going to give you something for the fever for now. We’ve got a little while before you go to the doctor.”

Only a second after I swallowed the tablets, I fell asleep again. This time, she had to be more forceful in waking me. Sitting on the edge of the bed for a few minutes, I willed my body to be better than it was.

I exercised and ate fruit and vegetables. I wasn’t sure what its problem was. There was no reason to punish me.

At the clinic, they swabbed my nose and throat after making me piss in a cup. The entire time we waited for the results, my girl was by my side in one of those rolling stools. She held my hand and sweetly hummed as she petted my sweaty hair.

“I hope it’s not the flu,” I breathed. “I don’t want to get you sick.”

She shrugged. “It’s okay. I’ve gotten my flu shot.”

“So have I,” I muttered in annoyance.

The doctor, an older bald Asian man with a round face, came in. “Well, it seems like it’s just a cold.”

“With a fever?” Bella asked in surprise.

“It’s rare, but it happens. All you can really do is get rest, drink lots of fluids, and keep your temperature under control. If your symptoms get worse or don’t improve in a few days, come back to see us again.”

“There isn’t anything you can give me to speed this along?” I questioned, my voice thick and disgusting with the slime that was running down my throat.

The man shook his head. “What I’d recommend is rotating doses of Benadryl and the stronger Sudafed for your sinus congestion. Robitussin or Deslyum is good for the cough. Alternate Tylenol and Advil for your temperature. Honestly, the best thing you can do is sleep and drink lots of liquid.”

“Okay,” Bella answered for me. “I’ll make sure he does. Thank you.”

I was furious. With myself, my body, and the whole damn world. Except for my girlfriend. She was doing everything she could to make me feel better. Because she loved me. Not that she had told me out loud. But it was the only thing that made the entire situation even slightly bearable.

Shivering, my arms hugged my chest. This was a different kind of cold. It wasn’t as chilly as it had been in New York. This came from the inside, tightening my muscles until they burned with pain. I glared out the window of the taxi as we rode back to our hotel.

“Can I take you to the apartment so I can make you soup? You can sleep in my bed, and I’ll take care of you,” she suggested softly.

Slowly, I turned to look at her. Some of my anger slipped away. “Soup?” She was trying so hard for me. “That would be nice. I’m not really hungry right now, but I should eat something soon. But we can just order. You don’t have to cook for me if you don’t want to.”

“Homemade soup is better for you when you’re sick. And we’ve been eating nothing but take out the past few days. We should eat some real food,” she countered. I slowly nodded before glancing back out the window.

“I am so angry right now. We had plans,” I whined.

She gently reached over and touched my knee. “It’s okay. We all get sick.”

“But... I don’t want to waste this time with you. I don’t have all that much, and then I’m not going to see you again for ages,” I continued to whimper like a pouty child.

Bella rolled her eyes. “It’s like three weeks.”

“Ages,” I repeated before sniffling.

Trying to smile at me reassuringly, she squeezed my thigh. “You’re so dramatic, Eddie. Look, I’ll baby you for a couple of days. I’ll feed you eight kinds of soup and then you’ll feel better because you’re twenty-five and healthy. You youngins bounce back from this kind of shit pretty quickly. It was bound to happen. You’ve been working all the time. You’ve been traveling.”

“I guess so. I can barely keep my head up right now,” I complained as I pressed my face against the cold glass. It felt so soothing, but it was utterly disgusting. I would make others sick.

“I know. Let’s go get some stuff, and then we’ll go back to my place. Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I breathed softly.

When we returned to the hotel, Bella packed the bags we would need, shoving some of my comfortable clothes into my backpack with all the medicine she bought. She wouldn’t let me carry much. Normally I would have been offended by it, but it was probably for the best. I was leaning against everything to stay upright. My entire world was swimming.

When I flopped onto her twin bed, I curled up into a little ball. She put all her covers over me before adjusting the temperature in the room. She gave me a full range of medications. Pills, liquids, salves. Bella held the glass for me with a straw, so I didn’t have to sit up.

“Drink the whole thing,” she urged, kneeling beside me. “There you go,” she cooed, petting my forehead. “You’ll be okay in a couple of days, I promise.”

I knew she was right, but my brain thought I was going to die.

Instead of croaking, I fell into a deep and uncomfortable sleep. My mind was a hellscape of colors and sounds. Vibrant, sharp, painful. It was like being at a club I couldn’t escape. I hated it. The feelings of dread overwhelmed me, drowning me in cyan and crimson. Someone ran their thumb over my bottom lip. When I opened my eyes to see who it was, I realized it was Jasper. His hand was dripping in something slimy black. I could feel it oozing on my skin. When he pushed two fingers into my mouth, I choked. “Take it, darling,” he grinned evilly.

I woke up coughing, my chest on fire. The apartment was dark and quiet, only the hum of the heater in the room echoing around me. It took a few minutes to catch my breath.

Pushing myself off of the bed, I went to look for Bella. I wanted to make sure she was alright. My dreams left me uneasy, and I needed to see her.

Then I heard talking in the kitchen. It was Alice, her voice soft. “It’s okay to be worried. These are valid feelings. But you’re going to take excellent care of him. You already are,” she said patiently.

“Thanks, Doc,” Bella snapped. I had never heard her use that tone before. It was hard to describe it.

“Anyone could empathize with why you’re scared right now, Bells.”

She drew in a ragged, pained breath. “Oh, you mean because my very healthy husband dropped dead buying us breakfast? And now the fact is, the man I am probably falling in love with has a cold, has brought on a panic attack.” Her words all came tumbling out quickly together, her distress obvious in her voice. Bella had been so calm and sweet to me earlier in the day. I would have never realized how anxious she was.

“Are you falling in love with him?” Her friend inquired in a hushed whisper. It hurt me for her, but I was glad she did. I wanted to hear more about that, too.

“I don’t know, but I’m obviously freaking out right now,” she spoke emotionlessly. “Maybe it’s just because he’s the first since Aiden.”

“Maybe. What do you think?”

I could hear her draw in a quick breath as if she was about to cry. “I’m not sure I’m ready for this. For him. For this relationship. What if I can’t handle it? I don’t want to hurt him, but I’m too broken for this. I should just let him go.”

My hand went to my mouth, and I closed my eyes. How could I beg her not to even think that way? She wasn’t broken. Maybe damaged, but I didn’t care about that. She could never hurt me. The only thing that could… was if she left me because she felt like she wasn’t good enough for me. Because that’s what it was, I realized. She lacked confidence in herself, and it scared her. I had seen it manifest itself in so many small ways when we were together. And I fucking hated it. It was the one trait I wished I could fix about her, but not for me. For her.

“If you’re falling in love with him, why would you want to end it? He clearly has strong feelings for you, intensely so. What benefit is there to it?”

“I don’t want to end it, but he deserves-”

“No. He gets to decide that. It’s not about him, it’s about what you think you deserve. This is your anxiety. I don’t think you’d be reacting this way if you didn’t care deeply for him. Look, I think you need to go talk to someone who isn’t me. Like, seriously. It’s becoming a problem. The money, now this,” her friend pushed.

“Yeah. Set me up with someone you trust,” she finally responded after a long minute of silence.

Alice really was on my side, I realized. All she wanted was Bella’s happiness, no matter what that looked like for her. She believed my relationship with her closest friend was the best for her and was trying to preserve it for me. I was extremely grateful to her.

And very dizzy.

My stomach gurgled, reminding me I hadn’t eaten since the night before. I decided it was for the best to pretend as if I didn’t hear a damn thing. For the moment, anyway. It would give me plenty to think about for a very long time.

I stumbled my way into the small white galley. “’Ello. Can I have that soup now?”

Bella stood from her seat instantly. “Of course. Come sit down. Do you want some hot tea to go with it?” She immediately became my nurse again.

“Yes, please,” I responded with my woozy head against the wall. My eyes rolled over to look at Alice. She gave me an apologetic smile.

“What kind would you like? I have chicken broth, vegetable broth, chicken and vegetables with rice and pea soup,” she elaborated. I wondered how long I was asleep.

Her roommate offered me the pen she was smoking from. I stared at it for a second. I couldn’t feel worse than I did, and I wanted my brain to shut the fuck up for a minute. But my hit was too big, and I almost hacked up a lung after.

“Ugh. Um. The pea soup, I guess.”

“I want the pea soup as well.”

“I put the oil pens in your purse. Alice, if you’d like one...” I offered. I figured Bella might need something to relax while dealing with my cranky ass. She got up wordlessly, leaving us alone in the kitchen. “We probably shouldn’t share because of germs.” I was likely spreading the plague everywhere I went.

Absently, my girl shook her head. “You’re really unlikely to get sick from mouth-to-mouth contact.”

“Really?”

She nodded, not looking at me as she got a glass from the shelf. “Generally, cold germs are spread through hand-to-hand contact, then touching your nose or eyes. Especially your eyes. So we could share a fork or a cup and probably be fine. Anyway, if I’m going to get sick from you, it’s too late now.” She brought it to me once she filled it with water. “Drink that first. You’re dehydrated from all the medicine. Alice, get my chapstick from my purse for him,” she shouted the last sentence.

One day, she would be a fantastic mother. I just hoped it was to our children. “Does that mean you can still kiss me?” I flirted, wanting a little reassurance. I couldn’t tell her I was eavesdropping yet.

“Mm, I could, but I’m going to say not right now because you’re covered in sweat,” she teased.

“I could use a shower.”

“Can you stand up that long?”

“I kind of doubt it.”

“After you eat, I’ll draw you a bath. Then I’ll get you some more medicine and put some Vapor Rub on your chest to make you more comfortable. And I’ll wash those clothes for you tonight,” she said in a rush as the kettle whistled for the tea. She was having trouble keeping her mask on, her strain starting to show through. But Bella quickly got it under control again.

When she brought me the mug, I put my hands on her hips so I could pull her closer to me. I laid my head against her, just wanting to cry. Everything hurt, my body, my brain, my emotions. It was too much. All I longed for was a nice vacation with the woman I was in love with. I should have spent the day wandering New York City, not fearful she would break up with me because a minor illness understandably overwhelmed her.

She played with my hair soothingly. “It’s definitely time for more medicine.”

I glanced up at her slowly. “Thank you for being so wonderful to me. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

“You would have gotten NyQuil, gone to sleep, and ordered soup when you were ready for it,” she smirked a little teasingly as she touched my face with her smooth fingers. “Do you want bacon and sour cream on your soup?”

“I do,” Alice declared as she passed me the chapstick. She also had two of the pens. They were different strains. “How did you get these through the airport?”

“I took a private flight, so you don’t go into the airport. You go directly to the plane,” I grumbled as I smoothed it onto my chapped mouth. It burned like a motherfucker. “No bag checking.”

Bella quickly turned to look at me. “You took a private plane?”

“It was cheaper,” I said vaguely. It already felt like bragging to mention it, and she was obviously uncomfortable with the money. I didn’t want to add to her uneasiness.

She blinked. “I don’t know if I believe you.”

“You would be surprised,” I replied before I coughed into my elbow. It took a minute to catch my breath. “Next time I come, if there is anything you want, let me know.”

Her friend grinned. “Thank you! Oh, my gosh. Edibles. Please.”

“I think I can arrange something. Get you some of those disgusting little gummy bears. Or one of those sodas.” I would get her the biggest gift basket of THC infused whatever if she could convince Bella not to leave me. I would get her high for years.

“What a time to be alive,” she remarked sarcastically as she blew out a long billow of smoke from her peach lips. Then she winked at me.

My girlfriend set two bowls in front of us before going to get a plate with strips of bacon and a tub of sour cream. She kept finding more stuff to bring to the table. Spoons, napkins, drinks. Finally, she poured herself a bowl of the green soup and sat down with us. Alice gave her the pen to take a hit. She was worried about her friend’s stress levels and had purposefully given her the one with the more relaxing strain.

The food was wonderful, despite the fact I could barely taste anything. It was creamy, and the bacon was salty. It made my throat feel a little better. Once I was nearing the end of my bowl, she got up to prepare the bathroom. She warmed it up with the heater while starting the water.

“Here,” she mumbled as she passed me the thermometer again. “I’ll get you some more medicine.”

It felt strange to undress in front of her and slip into the bathtub. She was trying her best to take care of me, washing my hair before covering a puff in some shiny pink goo. All I could do was lay my cheek against the edge as I watched her, my head too heavy.

“I’m glad you agreed to talk to someone about your anxiety. I’ve been worried,” I blurted out suddenly.

She paused for only a second before moving it along my skin. Bella blinked. “Heard that, did you?”

“Yeah, as I was coming in. I wasn’t eavesdropping purposefully,” I admitted. I didn’t want to tell her how much I heard, though. But I wanted her to know I would support her with it. If she needed help, I would do anything.

Flushing, she peered absently down into the water towards my feet. “It’s okay. I’m sorry that I worried you.”

“You didn’t worry me. It did. The anxiety.”

“Well, I’m sorry it worried you. I’m realizing that I might not be very good at handling this on my own and that I don’t have to. I’m just now realizing it because I am terrible at taking my own advice, obviously,” she joked as she washed my arm. The bubbles gathered on my skin before sliding down. Every once in a while, I caught a whiff of fake strawberries.

“I’ll do whatever I can to help. Just tell me,” I implored. She smiled before pressing her lips to mine. “Thank you for taking such good care of me.”

Her soapy fingers moved over my cheek. “It’s just because I like you so much.”

She was scared because she loved me. And it was breathtaking, in both wonderful and terrible ways. I needed to show her how much she meant to me… when I was better.

“I know,” I grinned.

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