 Episode Thirty-two: FeelsI knew that I should have been asleep. I was exhausted, but my body was wound up so tightly that I couldn’t relax. Bella was against my side, her head resting on my shoulder and her wild hair all around us. It was cold in New York, but we were under a few blankets, so she wasn’t bothered. Our nude bodies were tangled together, her hand on my stomach and my arm around her back. There was the sweetest smile on her lips. I missed her so damn much. Even being around her asleep was terrific. I didn’t want to miss a second of it. Gently so as not to wake her, I began to play with her hair. Her smile grew. The city lights were rather bright outside the glass door. We had forgotten to close the curtains, and it was casting streaks of red, blue, and white over her delicate features. I could actually see her eyes move behind her eyelids, her lashes fluttering in her very deep slumber. She was dreaming. “Eddie,” she breathed my name. I smiled to myself, leaning down to lightly kiss her forehead. Her fingers curled against my stomach, and she sighed. “Edward.” Bella had moaned very quietly and sighed in her sleep, but she had never spoken before. I loved that it was my name. It made me feel special. I wondered if she spoke often or if she even knew that she did it at all. It was so cute. I pondered what sweet things she was dreaming about. It was obviously something pleasant. Her breath caught in her throat, her back arching a little so that she pushed herself closer to my side. Her head rolled back onto my shoulder as her lips parted. I grinned, wondering if she was having a sex dream. I had plenty about her, so it was only fair. “Edward,” she whimpered, pushing her face more into my arm as she did. “I love you. Edward. Edward.” This time it was my turn for my breath to catch. I wasn’t sure if I heard what I thought I did. She was obviously asleep. Her leg drew up my thigh, her smooth calf dragging over mine as her hand moved up my chest. She whimpered again, biting her lip. Her chest heaved before her mouth pushed together, and her brow furrowed. “Say it again,” I begged very quietly. “Eddie.” Bella drew her head back again so that her mouth was uncovered. “I love you!” She nearly shouted in my face. Laughing despite myself, I could have cried. Honestly, I was so happy. I didn’t care if she wasn’t actually saying it to me out loud. She was dreaming about it. She was dreaming about telling me the words. Just like I had about telling her. In the day and in the night. “Shh,” I hushed gently, rubbing her cheek lightly with my fingers before pushing her hair back over her ear. Gingerly so as not to wake her, I kissed her forehead again. “I love you,” I whispered. “I will always love you.” My girlfriend curled more into me, her hand moving to my neck. She tilted her face up and managed to kiss my lips, still very much asleep. “Mm… Edward, love you.” She kissed me again but got my chin. I smiled wildly. “So much.” “Good. Now, tell me when you’re awake, please,” I chuckled, moving my hand over her jaw to drew her into a kiss on the lips again. She pecked at me three more times. “Okay,” she answered before rolling over to her side with her tiny body still pressed against mine. Bella reached behind her and groped at my hip in the hopes of getting me to spoon with her, I think. I happily obliged, straightening the blankets around her so that she wouldn’t get cold. “Butt snuggles,” my sweet girl mumbled when we both got comfortable. She obviously enjoyed this position as much as I did. I laughed a little again. She didn’t like the rumbling because she nestled in deeper, grabbing my arm and tightening it around her waist. She then let out an adorable tiny huff. Her black curls were literally covering her entire face, her nose barely sticking out of the mess. Carefully, I adjusted it for her. She was smiling as I did. I brought my lips to her ear. “I love you, too. I’m going to marry you.” She nodded her head solemnly. “Okay.” And then let out a tiny snore. Well, I wasn’t going to sleep soon, but at least I was going to have something lovely to think about while I laid there with her in my arms. When I finally did, it was with my face purposefully shoved into her hair so that I could breathe her in completely. When I woke up, I was alone. Glancing over at the bathroom door, I saw that the light was on. I waited a long time to see if she came out, but after fifteen minutes, I began to worry. Quietly, I walked up to the door. I was going to knock, but then I heard the crying. When I opened it just for a peek, I found her sitting nude on the edge of the bathtub, weeping with her face in both of her hands. She was almost curled in on herself, her legs shaking. There was a robe hanging up on a hook on the door, so I grabbed it and gently wrapped it around her so that she wouldn’t get cold, at least. Bella pressed her moist cheek against my stomach, so I lightly began to play with her hair in the hopes of soothing her. It seemed to work. Flicking on the shower, I adjusted the water’s temperature. “Let's get washed up, okay? We'll pick up some flowers on the way, yeah?” “Yeah.” She nodded her head slowly, her voice barely an echo in her chest. Her eyes seemed so hollow, red-rimmed, and crusted with dried tears. I couldn’t imagine her pain. The thought of losing Bella was torture, to the point where I couldn’t even consider it. Her death would be my own. Slowly, I brought her to her feet. “Then we can do whatever you need to. I wish you had told me, so I could have made sure to be here for you. I would have moved heaven and earth to not let you feel this way alone,” I said with a sigh. All I wanted was for her to trust me so that I could help her. In any way that I could. “You shouldn't have to go through this. It's not your problem to deal with.” That wasn’t true in the least. Her problems were mine, too. “Well, that's your opinion, love. It's wrong and stupidly self-sacrificing, but you are entitled to it, I suppose.” I reached under the water to see if it was ready for us. It almost was. I heard her scoff beside me, hugging the robe to her neck. “We've been together a month, Eddie. Just a month.” I wanted to say, so fucking what? That doesn’t change the fact that I love you and want to be there for you. But she didn’t know that yet, and it was definitely not the right day to tell her. “That doesn't change the fact that I want to be here for you, whether you think you need the support or not,” I told her instead. “Which you do, by the way. That doesn't make you less strong or capable. You don't have to be the stoic one all the time.” I would have never realized the date was approaching, though it had obviously been weighing on her mind. She was going to hide her pain from me, which I hated. “Stoic? That's a nice way of saying kind of a cold bitch,” she countered bitingly, nibbling aggressively at the edge of her thumb. Her anxiety was making her feisty, but I wasn’t going to let it get to me. Or her. I moved her hand away so that I could kiss the red sore spot that she had already created. “Don't do that. It's okay to be sad. You're not a bitch. You're calm and collected, and that's good, but not at the cost of your mental health. Don't keep things like this to yourself. I want to know everything.” I brought my palm to her face, her mismatched eyes worriedly looking up at me. Lightly, I kissed her forehead. Her full pouty bottom mouth stuck out a bit as it quivered, her cheeks blotchy and sticky. I had never seen her more innocent. “And I know this is a serious moment, but I need you to know that when you cry, you stick your bottom lip out, and it's stupidly cute. It gives me feels,” I mumbled with my cheek still against her forehead. She laughed lightly as I hugged her to me. “Something is wrong with me. I'm sorry.” This was not the right time to be a bumbling moron. “No, you're the best,” she whispered back. I decided to take care of Bella in every possible way that I could. She needed to be spoiled so that she could forget about her sadness for even a second. She barely spoke when we stopped at the store. I could see in her eyes that she was barely coasting by, holding my hand and letting me lead the way when I could. It was so fucking cold that the ground was rock hard. Even the grass was hardened little spikes. The weather said there was a decent possibility of snow in the next few hours, so it was for the best that we went in the morning. It was just going to get colder. When we got to the gate of the cemetery, Bella began to walk ahead of me. I kept up easily, my hand on her back. Not looking up as she marched forward, she knew exactly where she was going. I saw his headstone from several yards away. It was already covered with flowers. She put the autumn-themed carnations in the center of his grave and took a shuddering breath. Bella slowly turned to look back at me. “Is it okay if I have a few minutes?” “Of course, darling. I'll walk around a little,” I answered before I kissed her temple lightly. “Let me know if you need anything.” I wandered to the other side of the cemetery to give her the space she needed. She was sitting on the bench in front of his site. I could tell that she was already starting to cry again. Bella had pulled one of the tissues that I purchased from her pocket and was swiping roughly at her eyes and nose. Then I spotted a tiny elderly woman in a big fur coat moving up behind her. The lady came to stand a couple of feet behind my emotional girlfriend. She turned and buried her face into her big jacket. Aiden’s Mother, I realized quickly. She was visibly trying to comfort Bella. I couldn’t imagine her pain on these days either. He was her son. Clearly, the man was loved when he was alive. His mother forced her to look up into her face from the bench. They were obviously talking, but I couldn’t hear the words because it was so far away. She touched her hand to Bella’s chest before my girl shook her head. She looked so young and sad. Almost broken. All of a sudden, the biggest snowflakes that I had ever seen began to fall in huge white clumps. All I could hear was the sound of the precipitation, thick in the sky. It was almost gentle and peaceful, if not a bit creepy. I continued to watch them carefully, feeling very protective of Bella in a way that I couldn’t understand. I knew the woman wouldn’t hurt her, I just didn’t want her to be more upset than she already was. After a moment, Bella finally looked up at me and our locked eyes. She smiled just a little. They were both staring at me. “Come here, young man!” The lady bellowed at me loudly in a thick New York accent. My girlfriend was clearly not expecting it because her hand flew to her eyes in embarrassment. I walked back to them in a hurry. They were speaking to each other in whispers as I approached. “Mrs. Esther Zucker, this is Edward Cullen,” she gave my introduction when I got close enough. “Hello, Edward. I'm Aiden's mother,” she said excitedly, offering me a dainty hand. Wrapping my fingers around hers, I shook back with a small nervous smile. “Hello, Mrs. Zucker. It's nice to meet you. Bella has said very kind things about you.” “He's foreign! Are you British?” Her eyes got wider like she was impressed somehow with where I was born. Bella sort of giggled under her breath, looking away. “I'm from Australia. My dad is Scottish, and my mum is English, though, so I do have a funny accent,” I explained. Then the older woman leaned in and asked, “are you Jewish?” Bella bit deeply into her lip, trying to hold in her laughter as her cheeks turned red. I had never been asked before. “Um... No, ma'am,” I finally replied, unsure what else to say. I was kind of stunned. She leaned her head from side to side before nodding. “No? That's okay. Neither is she. We'll take you anyway.” Mrs. Zucker put her arm around mine before offering her hand to my girlfriend. “We'll get you two some lunch.” “We've not even had breakfast yet,” I admitted. She looked utterly scandalized. “What? No, that's not acceptable. We can fix that, though. Come on. You two are coming to the house right now.” Bella and I realized at the same time that there was someone standing a couple of yards behind us. It was a rather skinny butch looking woman with short hair, thick black eyeglasses, and a heavy black woolen coat. Rushing to the girl, my girl hugged her tightly. “Hey! What are you doing back there?” “I offered to drive Aunt Esther. How are you doing? You look so good!” The woman responded with a smile. She flushed, unable to take the compliment. “I look terrible, but I'm actually doing really well. I love your coat. Edward, this is Ash. Aiden's cousin. They were really close,” she stated as she turned back to look at me. “He was my best friend,” Ash weakly added. “We lived on the same street growing up. He'd love this weather,” she told me as she offered me her gloved hand. I shook it and gave her a smile. “He'd love it inside.” His mother complained loudly. “Shall we?” I'm taking a break for the holidays. The next episode, Thirty-three, Inlaws, will post on December 4th, 2019! See y'all then! 😊🍗🥧🤤💛 Episode Thirty-one: MouthWarning: this episode contains graphic sexual descriptions. Reader discretion is advised. Intended for a mature audience only. (18+)Silently, I watched from Bella’s comfortable couch as she gathered her things to take with her to the hotel. She fluttered around the room, practically dancing. She was clearly happy. Very much so. It was almost overwhelming to consider that maybe she cared for me as much as I did for her, even though I didn’t think it was at all possible. Despite the frigid temperatures, I took off my gloves to nervous play with my fingers. When she was done, she came to stand in front of me. “Do you want to do anything tonight? I imagine you're tired.” I wanted to feel her close to me again, it was too easy not to pull her down so that she was sitting on my lap. So I did. “I am,” I said as her arms went around my neck, and she leaned in to kiss me with a big smile. “I think I'd like to go to the hotel, make love to you, and then go to sleep. Would that be okay?” “You mean you don't want to have sex right now in this icebox?” She teased seductively, her hand sliding under my coat over my sweater. “I'm not sure it's humanly possible for me to maintain an erection in this temperature. We're buying you a new heater tomorrow,” I earnestly replied, making her giggle. “How do you stand it?” “I'm used to it, and I don't pay for the heating. I was going to replace it before you came, though. It was on the list.” I was going to be damned if I was going to allow my girlfriend to live like this for even another second. But that was a problem that could wait until another day. I was planning on keeping her very warm in our bed back at our cozy suite. “I am so very cold right now,” I jokingly continued, even though I was sincere. Then her icy little hands slid under my shirt. “I can warm you up.” My balls seriously thought about going back into my body again while my erection awakened at the same fucking time. I hissed in surprise, making her cackle evilly as her teeth latched onto my earlobe. “Fuck, my body is confused,” I sort of whimpered, but she didn’t stop moving her hands up or her pressing her lips down to my neck. Slowly, both began to warm until I was on fire. My fingers moved up the back of her many shirts. “Damn, I want you.” When she pulled back, Bella looked at me with fluttering eyelashes. Her pouty lips were parted, glistening with her kisses. “Would you like to know what the first part of your birthday present is?” “Yes, please.” I instantly answered, needing to have my mouth on her again. “I've learned my lesson on that. I absolutely do want gifts.” I kissed her shoulder. She pulled back so that I was looking into her mismatched eyes. “I started birth control pills right after I came home.” Her words sort of floated in the air for a long minute. She had started the pill. I flushed at all the possibilities. “Oh. Okay. Oh. Oh… So, we... can… You won't get- If we...” I stuttered stupidly. Bella sort of bit her lip for a minute as she tilted her head just a little, her eyes drawing me in. Lightly, one of her tiny fingers moved over my chin. “Do you want to cum in me tonight?” Holy shit. Yes, please. “Fuck yes,” I answered before pulling her to me for a deep kiss. Laying her back as she giggled, I hovered over her so that I could lavish attention onto her throat. We made out there for at least an hour, grinding against each other and kissing like teenagers. I couldn’t pull away from her, barely moving enough to remove our shirts and jackets. Her legs wrapped around me, holding me in place. I had found the butterfly tattoo on her chest, beautifully healed. Kissing all around it, I began to suckle a spot right above it. She moaned loudly, holding me to it with her fingers in my hair. “Oh, Edward…” She sighed my name just before the front door opened with a heavy metal thump. The cat meowed at Alice. I sat up in surprise like I had been caught by a parent and not her roommate just coming home. Bella got up the couch, her hips swaying to the door where she leaned her head out entirely with a giant smile. There was no embarrassment, only happiness, in her features. “Hi!” She beamed. Then there was a quiet whispering conversation between them. I just barely saw Alice’s hand as it crept in and then jabbed at Bella’s breast. “Honk,” her friend said very quietly. I swallowed my childish snort. Then Bella’s hand went forward, and apparently, her poke was harder because Alice slapped her away before snapping. “Hey! At least buy me dinner first. I bought your lunch today.” My girlfriend turned dramatically away from her and slammed the folding doors right in her face. Then she began to talk back sassily as she got dressed. “I make your dinner all the time. It's about time you start putting out.” “If it makes you feel better, you can grab my boobs again later. It's the most action I've gotten in ages,” Alice shouted loudly. Bella looked unimpressed. “Eh, maybe later. I've already got better plans. There is frozen pasta in there if you want it later. Lasagna still and those ravioli you like. And only eat the cookie dough I put to the side for you, please,” she continued on normally. I wasn’t sure what was funnier, that my girl set the dough aside for her to eat in the first place or that they clearly had to have this conversation before. “Fine. There go my plans for the evening.” “You'd die if you tried,” she laughed. I picked up her bags for the hotel. Finally, she got to her coat. “It would be worth it.” “Please don't complete suicide by cookie dough, you monster. Your mama would never forgive me.” She paused for just a moment. “Alright. Text me if you need anything,” Bella said very sarcastically before they hugged each other like they wouldn’t see each other for a month. Just before we left, she turned to call out, “wash some dishes, please.” Alice sighed and pouted. “I don't want to.” Bella sighed in return. She was trying so hard not to roll her eyes. “Please. I have to cook all day on Wednesday. Do them tomorrow.” “Fine. As long as I don't have to do them right now,” she brushed her off. I could tell right away that she was going to wait until the last second. On the way to the hotel, I quietly texted a request for champagne to be waiting for us. I wanted everything to be perfect. “Oh!” She sort of gasped in surprise when she stepped into the room. Her hand went to her heart. I smiled in delight. Bella turned to gaze at me. “Would it be terrible if I took pictures?” “Not at all,” I replied, taking her camera bag off of my shoulder and handing it to her. She took it, pecking a quick kiss to my mouth before she went to the table to take it out. Carefully, I put her backpack on one of the tables’ chairs. I watched as she moved around the room, her camera going a million miles an hour. She wanted to remember every detail of this night. It made butterflies dance in my stomach, the joy overwhelming. Then she rushed up to me, pressing another kiss to my lips. “I want to take pictures of you on the balcony.” It was crazy fucking cold as soon as I opened the door, the wind whipping at my face and scarf. But it was beautiful. The skyline was filled with lights and neon colors. I could see why she would love to live here. Leaning over the edge a little, I peered down at the buildings below us. I glanced back at Bella, getting ready to pose for her. “Is this good?” She was already busily taking photos, which I should have expected, but I wasn’t prepared. The way she was looking at me made me warm again. “Yes, but I might be biased. Now come back inside before you freeze,” she answered before holding her hand out to me. After rushing in, she put down her camera so that she could take my face into her hands. They were so soft and felt amazing. “I can't tell you how happy it makes me that you're here. It feels so surreal. I feel like I dreamed you up. You're too wonderful,” she whispered, gazing up at me. I should have followed her, my mind shouted at me. This was right. This is where I wanted to be. In her arms. Always. She was my forever. “Do you know how hard it was not to follow you onto that plane? It was the hardest thing I've ever done, and I hated every day I wasn't with you. I was just gutted without you, love. You make absolutely every day better,” I admitted too honestly. We kissed and kissed as we slowly shed our clothes. When she was down to only one shirt, I knelt down to take off her boots and then her tight denim. When I stood up, I slid my hands up her legs to her waist so that I could pick her up and place her on the table just behind us. My hand greedily explored her legs, feeling her smooth skin. She yanked off my shirts, throwing them to the side. Bella pulled back, her eyes getting wider as she seriously looked me over. Her hand slowly reached forward and lightly brushed her fingertips over my stomach. She bit her bottom lip. “Fuck, some of these are new.” For some reason, I was embarrassed. “I have been working out like a madman. I've never been so sore in my life. So, don't get used to it,” I mumbled, not expecting her reaction. Nodding, she touched my abs again. Her tongue flicked over her bottom lip for a moment. “Sure, understandable. But I want you to know that I am going to be needing some pictures of my own. Because, damn.” “What are you trying to do to my ego?” I blurted out. Innocently, she peered up at me for just a second. “Nothing. It's just that... You have the V now, though. The sexy V. The hey look down here, there is something great arrow.” She began to undo the button of my jeans. We had been kissing for hours, and my cock was aching against my underwear. Her little finger skimmed just under the band. “Oh, is it great?” I said, my voice cracking. I cleared my throat roughly in embarrassment. She barely noticed as she unzipped my trousers. “Well, I think it's pretty amazing.” She took me in her hand, gripping me pleasantly tight. “You're certainly the biggest man I've ever been with. In every way. Height, personality...” I quickly took off my jeans and underwear for her, and she took me back into her hand with a confident smile. Then, Bella began to massage me. My eyes slid closed, a soft gasp falling from my lips. “I- uh... wow… You're the best lover I've ever had,” I declared as she began to kiss my chest. “I can't... can't stop thinking about you like this. Everything you do is so good. The- The way you touch me makes me- uh…” “Have you been touching yourself like this while thinking about me?” She inquired sexily, fucking with me cheerfully. “Yes.” She continued to jerk me off as she looked me in the eyes. “You know that I have.” How could I not? Sometimes a couple of times a day. “Tell me what you like to think about,” she commanded firmly. It actually made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “I think about tasting you and fucking you with my fingers. It’s my favorite,” I confessed as my cheeks heated, my eyes sliding shut as she continued to gently rub me at the perfect tempo. “Do you like how I taste?” When I opened my eyes, she smoothed her fingers between her legs. I could actually see how wet her panties were. “Yes, I- uh...” Then her hand sped up just a little, her fingers tightening. It was so good, almost too much. I had to balance myself with the table. Tasting her, I drew her into a kiss. We made out for a long minute, playing with herself and me at the same time. When I had to pull back for air, she brought her wet fingers up to my mouth. She tasted as good as I remembered. It wasn’t enough. I shoved my hand between her legs, wanting to feel her myself. “When I play with myself, I think about the way your fingers feel inside of me. And how good you are with your mouth.” She bit my shoulder after a long lick. “How good your tongue feels against my clit.” Damn. She was so confident, and I was babbling. “I've been thinking about.... how- That I... -I want you to-to... sit on my face and... and- Fuck,” I tried to say assertively, but it didn’t come out that way at all. “You make it so hard to think.” “Do you want me to cum all over your face?” She asked in a delicious little purr as her eyes gazed up at me. “Yes,” I growled. She hopped down from the round table while her hand still stroked me. Just once, her warm little tongue brushed against my head. Then she walked to the bed without looking back, her fingers around my cock. She pretty much directed me to sit with it. Her bra fell to the floor as I kissed her breasts, her panties next. Everything about her was perfect. Bella shoved me back onto the bed, her mouth focusing on my hips, stomach, and thighs. Her hard nipples kept brushing against my skin, my erection right between her breasts. If she wasn’t careful, she was very quickly going to make my cum all over her neck. But that’s not what I wanted. I pulled her up for a swift and fiery kiss before helping her find the right position hovering over me. Her taste was so good, I loved it. It turned me on more, and I literally wanted it all over my face. I had been dreaming about it, during the day and at night. When she tried to play with me, I grabbed both of her arms to stop her. I would lose it at the slightest touch, and I wanted to focus on her instead. Her first orgasm was surprisingly quick, making more of her flavor gather at her lips. I needed all of it, holding her still with my hands around her wrists while I worked her with my mouth. The sounds that she was making were outrageously sexy. She moaned and whimpered, my name falling from her lips over and over again, louder and louder each time she came. When Bella finally fell forward, it gave me better access, so I decided to use my fingers. “Oh! Oh, god! Eddie! Edward, oh, god. Yes, yes, yes, yes,” she chanted against my stomach, her warm breath spreading over me deliciously. Her body was vibrating, squeezing my fingers tightly. “Fuck, Edward!” When my cock couldn’t take anymore, I switched out positions so that I was on top of her with her arms pinned above her head. Bella was sweaty and beautiful, her face blotchy red and flushed from all the pleasure that I was giving her. She looked up at me with such wanting. I couldn’t wait any longer, so I pushed inside of her for the first time without a condom. I had actually never had sex without one before. Even with Vicky. She didn’t like birth control pills, so we always used them. I didn’t mind, and I would never ask her to do something that she was uncomfortable with. To prepare, I had brought a shitload of protection and lube in my suitcase. I never expected that she would want me to, especially so soon. Her arms quickly pulled away from my grip, finding their way to my hair. Bella lifted a foot off the bed, her head falling back with her mouth opened wide as I rocked against her quickly. The sensation of her orgasm was so intense, it was hard to hold back. My hand went to her back to support her, the angle working well for both of us. “Fuck, it feels good,” I groaned against her collarbone as another one overtook her. “Cum in me. Please. Edward, please...” She whimpered, her legs tightening around my waist. I tried to resist her commands. I really did. Biting into her shoulder, I finished loudly. Afterward, I was so sensitive that I had to pull out of her immediately. Laying my head on her stomach, I tried to catch my breath and calm my dizzy head. “Did you miss me?” Bella teased with a happy little giggle. Kissing her stomach, I chuckled to myself. “Obviously, I didn't get my point across with last performance. Shall we take that from the top?” I inquired joyfully, happy to do that all over again if she was willing and ready. Bella could sit on my face all damn day if she wanted. I began to kiss down her stomach, but she closed her legs and kind of rolled them to the side. “Nooo... Too much,” she humorously moaned, making me laugh. I came to lay beside her with my head on the pillows. She rolled into me, smiling. “Oh, hi there. There you are.” “Hi,” I answered back, stroking her jaw gently. I could see a million emotions sort of swirl in her eyes as they took in every single detail of my face. “I can't believe you exist,” she breathed after a moment. “Of course, I exist. I was made just for you,” I let her know. Her bottom lip was trembling just a bit. Tracing the bridge of her nose, I let it graze her luscious mouth. I wanted to kiss her again. “Is that so?” She asked disbelievingly. If she only knew… “Yup. I didn't know it until the ides of October, though. It was quite a shock, but I was delighted to find out,” I let my mouth run away from me. Bella actually laughed, looking away from me then back. “You are such a try-hard. We met the fourteenth.” “Exactly.” She pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes. “It took you a day? ‘Ides’ would be the fifteenth.” “Oh… actually, I knew before I opened the front door that you owned me completely,” I answered. She shook her head as she rolled her pretty eyes at me. “You are so full of it, Eddie.” I brought my hand up, stopping her. I wasn’t going to admit my love, but I was going to do the closest thing to it. “Cross my heart. The first moment I saw you out the window, I knew all I ever wanted to be in this life was completely yours. I wasn't looking for you, so it was a surprise. But I'm terrible at these sorts of things. So, it's probably a good thing you came to me. I'm too daft to find you on my own otherwise. You had to be practically gift-wrapped for me.” Her expression became heavy again, though she was trying to fight it. “You act as if it was fate.” “Do you know how many interviews I turn down weekly now? Photoshoots? How many times I turned yours down in particular? Three times. They had been begging me for months. I only agreed because I got to look at the photographers, and you were the only one I liked. And only because I found your stuff online when I was researching everyone on the list. Because I’m picky as fuck. And they tried to talk me out of you. You were the only reason I agreed, Bella. I told them if you didn't do it, then I wouldn't do it at all. Honestly, I was just going to tell them to forget it. Zafrina pushed me. I knew nothing about you besides your pictures from your online gallery. None of which are of you, by the way. So, I had no idea what I was really in for.” Bella had fucked my filter loose, and I was just going to word vomit all over her. She didn’t seem to mind, though. “So, you're saying you unsuccessfully stalked me before,” she joked lightly. “No,” I chuckled again, shaking my head. “Just your gallery. You don't have any photos of yourself on your business stuff, and I didn't do that much research because gender didn't matter to me. I didn't see any ‘about’ page. You should change that. People have questions about you.” There were so many about her in the comments section of every single video she was in. She was overwhelmingly popular, too. They loved her wit and charming accent. She was sweet-natured and fun to watch. “Maybe,” she replied in embarrassment as she played with my hair to avoid my eyes. I swallowed and sighed. “We live on different oceans, doing very different things in very different lives. Everything had to be right to bring you to my door. If it's not fate, I'm not going to waste the gift I've been given. I don't know if I've done anything to deserve you, but I'm going to do everything in my power to be the kind of man you want in your life.” Her eyes got wide, her lips parting as she took in a quick breath. Bella quickly ducked her head against me. I tightened my arms around her, holding close. We laid there in silence for a long time before she pulled back to look into my eyes. “I don’t know why you would want to be in my life, but I am so happy that you do,” she concluded as her thumb smoothed over my cheek, pulling me into a soft, sweet kiss.  Episode Thirty: Sharp TongueThen they got down to business. I realized that this was real work. I was blown away by my girlfriend, who was just doing her job, like a boss, while holding the sleeping baby and eating at the same time. The only thing that really slowed her down was the fact that she needed help with cutting her meat. I had never seen ‘career’ Bella before, and I liked her a lot. She agreed to help lead trips in the summer and fall, one to Ireland, not too far from my Grandparents, and to Disneyland, which wasn’t far from me. I wondered if she did that on purpose. Once the work for the day was done, I had so many things that I wanted to ask. Alice was excited to tell me whatever I wanted to know. I sat pressed against my girlfriend as she held the infant and fed him. He was a pretty little thing with lots of hair. I almost wanted to ask to hold him too, but big men requesting to hold babies are usually considered creepy. Especially if you don’t know them. So, I instead played with his little fist as he ate. It wrapped tightly around my pointer finger. I wanted to figure out the best way to give money to the non-profit so that it did the most good. This was something that Bella cared about, and I wanted to show her that I wanted to help too. I had already decided to make Culture for All my charity of the month for December. It was probably the first time that I had done anything charity related to impress a woman, and I couldn’t bring myself to feel guilty about it. There were worse reasons to donate to a good cause. And then Alice turned her attention to my girlfriend after answering a question that I had about their classes and camps that they did. They were discussing doing a children’s cooking camp when the UK trip came up again. “I wish I could come with you to Ireland. I could go see my grandparents,” I started wistfully as I pulled a curl away from Bella’s temple and behind her ear so that it wouldn’t go into her eyes while she was holding the baby. She looked so good with him. “You could meet them in person.” “Well, you are more than qualified to volunteer,” her best friend said to me cheerfully. “All you have to do is fill out some paperwork and get endorsed by a qualified person-” Then Alice pointed a little finger at Bella. “Yeah, of course,” she replied as she brought the newborn up to her shoulder. It was apparent by the way she handled him that she was very experienced with babies, her time in the church daycare paying off. The boy looked up at me with a wobbly head as she patted his back firmly. He had a little milk around his mouth, so I carefully wiped it away. He smiled at me for a second, and I couldn’t help but return it. “And there you go. If you're really interested, I can put you on the list as one of the helpers. Bells can show you the website online to fill it out,” Alice helpfully answered as she smiled at me. “That's it?” I questioned in surprise. The infant belched after a good pat, looking instantly relieved as he relaxed against her shoulder. Bella’s hair fell around him like a curtain. There were just a few of us left of the group, and now it felt more like a lunch with friends. I was enjoying it. “This is an abled adults trip. Meaning it’s adults who have issues that make it harder to travel, but they’re still able to care for themselves. We're basically sheepdog trying to herd them and keep them from breaking things,” my girlfriend giggled. “Mainly themselves. You don't need any special training for that. You're just a helper.” “Would we get time to see them? My grandparents?” “They could come to anything we did. Museums. Gardens or whatever. And we can stay on our own dime after the trip is over. We just don't get our flights back paid for,” she clarified next. She wasn’t against this idea. It gave me so much hope to think that maybe the following year, the woman that I love could meet some of the people that I cared about most. “Sven and I are going to go to Saint Petersburg after the trip we're doing together,” Kebi stated, eating her dessert and waving her fork around a little as she spoke. “Sven, her husband, is Russian, and he is actually paler than you somehow,” Alice teased. I think she already liked me and I had to admit, I adored her as well. Kebi shook her head, then sighed. “He's so white. We went to Trinidad for my mother's birthday, and I think he got paler, somehow. He went to the beach for three days, and it just bleached him. My children are going to look like Casper the ghost.” I had to press my lips together to keep from laughing loudly. She reached over and took the baby from Bella, who frowned slightly. His mother was fully asleep, leaning against Alice. She sort of giggled. “You'll have one dark kid like you and one light one, and they'll have the weirdest Jamaican Russian accent from New York, and I cannot wait. And I'll be their cool aunt.” “Who gives them weed when they're sixteen,” Bella muttered under her breath. Her friend was not embarrassed at all. “I am the cool aunt.” “It won't be cool by the time they're old enough. It'll be legal everywhere, and it'll be stuffier than wine because all the old people smoke it for medicine. I use it for my insomnia, and I honestly thought my first time would be a lot cooler when I was in school. But I was extremely uncool as a teen, so nothing has changed,” I blurted out, warm from my wine. Bella actually scoffed at me, glancing in my direction. “Oh, please. You're the coolest person in this room. You have literally millions of fans who scream your name. I’ve seen them. I’ve heard them. They love you because of how cool you are. False modesty is a filthy habit.” It shouldn’t have been a turn-on for her to call me out on my bullshit, but her playful eyes and lips that were curved into a smirk was too much. I wanted her. “Be careful not to cut those pretty lips with that sharp tongue of yours,” I quipped back as I squeezed her leg under the table to show that I was teasing. She melted against me, her nose skimming over my cheek lightly before she pressed a kiss to it. Her smile was so warm and inviting. God, I was so in love with her. It made me think about the ring again. “You like it,” she flirted. My girl wasn’t wrong. “Maybe a little.” “Maybe a lot,” Alice smirked, giving us a funny look over her glass. “So, are you going back to the apartment after this? I have to go back to the office. Fucking paperwork.” Ah, what a mature way of letting us know that she wasn’t going to be home so that we could fuck if we wanted to. Yeah, I did like Alice. “I don't know. We haven't talked about it. Eddie has a hotel room, so at the very least, I'll have to get some clothes if I stay with him,” she answered, glancing back at me. Yes, please stay with me. I brought her hand up in mine. “We can do whatever you please. I'm just happy to be here. I know you have things you have to do,” I informed her, trying to be a gentleman as I kissed her hand before pressing it to my face so that I could feel the softness there. Her fingers cupped my skin. “It doesn’t matter where I sleep, though,” she told me with a smile. “I want to stay with you if that’s okay.” “Of course.” Her smile grew. “Okay. I hate to do this, but how do I wake Nicole?” Alice questioned. “Gently and not like an asshole,” Kebi joked, rocking back and forth in her seat with the baby. “So, I just don’t move then?” She inquired sarcastically. Bella snorted as she stood and walked to the other side of the table. She leaned over, gently rubbing the mother’s shoulder before kissing her temple. “Thanks for letting me play with your baby. He’s super cute. You better get him back before Kebi leaves with him,” she whispered. Nicole sat up quickly. “She can take him.” She rubbed a drowsy hand over her face. “She’ll bring him back. I’m so sleepy.” “Oh, okay!” Their friend thundered, standing up with the bundle of joy. “Let me know when you need me to start watching him!” Bella exclaimed, waving her hand. “Please, no babies at the apartment,” Alice mumbled to herself as she stood from her chair and stretched her arms over her head. “Patty is enough.” We walked out together. Bella made sure that Nicole and her newborn were in the back of a cab and on their way home before we caught our own. The sun was setting, and the streets were glowing a luminous amber. I watched Bella’s face in the changing light. It was so serious. “There is something we need to talk about. I wasn't going to bring it up, but since you're here, it kind of changes things,” she finally began. “I hope it wasn't a bad thing that I came.” I thought about what Jasper had said. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to just pop up. She was quick to bring her hand up, though, shaking her head. “No. It's great. I just... I haven't wanted to talk about it or think about it. But tomorrow is Aiden's birthday. I wasn't going to bring it up at all, but I go to the cemetery, and I usually spend the day with his family.” She seemed so small and nervous to tell me. I wish she had before. My birthday was so close to his as well. I wondered if that upset her in any way. “Oh… I'm sorry. It must be hard on those special days.” She looked away as she flushed in embarrassment. “I haven't called his mom yet. I've been feeling guilty.” “We can go to the cemetery tomorrow. Or you can go alone if you need to. I would understand either way,” I let her know. I would do whatever she needed. She smiled at me slowly, sadly. “I would like it if you came. If you're not uncomfortable with that.” “Of course I'll come.” I tugged her to me so that I could hold her to my chest, and she pressed herself against me. “Would you like to see his family as well?” She didn’t look at me. “I think I might just call this year. I don't know,” she sighed. “I should, but I don't know if it would make it harder for them. Or for me. They're great, it's just... so much. They're always...” she trailed off, flustered. “We can do whatever you need to do,” I assured her quietly, refusing to let go. “Is it going to be hard for you?” The question surprised me. I sat back a little so that I could see her face. Why was she worried about me? “How so?” Her lip quivered before she shook her head. “I love Aiden. I still love him. I will love him until the day I die. That won't ever change. No matter what I feel for you now or in the future.” “I would never ask you to deny that either. It was very unfair what happened to you. Look into my eyes. Trust me. You're not going to scare me off.” I knew what I was getting into before we started dating. I wasn’t frightened of her past. It made her into the beautiful woman that I was holding. She shook her head, clearly upset. “That's not fair to you.” “How?” I questioned as I lifted her eyes to look into mine. Then I realized that she was worried that her sadness would make me envious of him in some way. No, I wasn’t. I had her now. That’s what mattered. “No. Just... no. Don't even think about that. I'm not going to be jealous of someone who loved you so well.” “I'm going to cry in front of you tomorrow. Like, actually cry. Not overly emotional in Target crying. It's not going to be pretty. Or nice. Or sexy. Or quick.” “We'll stop to get tissues. And chocolate. And wine. And whatever else you may want or need,” I replied. “I took tomorrow off because I've been a mess in the past. I don't feel as emotional as I have been, but...” She kept shaking her head. Bella looked so embarrassed and ashamed, and I couldn’t understand why. “I have survivor's guilt. I've always struggled with it. With my mom, then my grandmother, some. I recognize it, and I understand why I feel it, but it doesn't change the fact that it's there in the background. It's one of those fun things about PTSD. You... this... right now helps, though. You're what I need. You’re what I want, Edward,” she said in a rush, looking up at me with such fear. I brought my hands to her face so that I could pull her lips to mine. Her kiss was needy, her fingers clutching at the lapel of my wool peacoat. “Whatever you need tomorrow,” I whispered into her hair. “I will do my best to give it to you.” As soon as we walked into Bella’s apartment, the cat began to meow very loudly from the top of her high tower, not far from the front door. Bella reached to pet her, but Patty rolled onto her stomach so that she couldn’t. My girlfriend smirked as she forcefully gave the kitty the bird. I chuckled, scratching her belly. She obviously liked it because she began to purr. “You slut,” she insulted the cat. “She's so fat and fluffy,” I mumbled as my fingers danced over her tummy until her tail curled around it. So I played with that instead. “That's because Alice feeds her chubby ass waffles. She begs worse than a dog.” Patty noticed the door opening, so she jumped down to follow for more pettings. “No. You don't get to go into my room. Go to your mama’s.” Bella waved her hand in front of the open door. I went inside, and she closed it swiftly. The kitty shoved her paws under the door right away in protest. It rattled violently in place as she locked it. Her room was big, probably the size of my master bedroom. There was a large comfortable looking leather sofa on one wall, and on the other, there was a small white daybed. Everything was perfectly neat, and it smelled like coffee, vanilla, and coconuts. Just like her. I breathed it in deeply. I walked to her window so that I could see the view that she loved so much. As soon as I saw the Empire State building, I smiled to myself. Bella’s arms wrapped around me from behind as she pushed her face into my shoulder. As she held me, I realized that she missed me just as much as I had her. Coming early wasn’t a mistake, but maybe the best thing that I could have done. I needed to be here for her. I felt so overwhelmed as I turned to look at her. I didn’t know what to say, so I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “I like your room.” “Thank you. It's not as impressive as, say, a five-bedroom three-bathroom McMansion with a pool and a waterfall in Burbank. But I like it,” she teased dryly. She was playing with me. “You want different things from a home in New York,” I joked in return. “The real estate market is very different. But I'd trade my pool for that view. And to be closer to you.” |