Locke. Chapter Twenty-five: On Your Knees

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Chapter Twenty-Five: On Your Knees

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Jasper waved the server over quickly. "I'd like another martini. And we'd like to start with a cheese platter. Thanks." When the young man left, he whispered, "don't drink too fast, darlin." 

“And I thought you wanted to get me drunk,” I teased, taking another sip of my wine to make a point. I could already feel it, but I wasn’t going to tell him that. Liquid courage seemed like a good thing at the moment. 

“I don’t want you to get sick,” he said worriedly. 

“I won’t,” I promised. Looking directly at him, I took another swallow, which made him smirk and roll his eyes. 

He looked away in mild embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be controlling.” Jasper took a big drink of his own wine but made a face at it. I don’t think he liked it very much. I did. It was sweet and easy to drink. 

I couldn’t help my giggle. Biting my lip, I looked down at our joined hands. “I know it’s because you care. It’s okay.”  

“It is.” His thumb ran over my knuckles. Jasper swallowed heavily, obviously anxious. “Um, can we talk about the elephant in the room?”

“Which one?” I snorted quietly. 

Smirking a little at my attitude, he squeezed my hand. He glanced up at me for only a moment before ducking his head. “The one where I said that I love you and you said thank you. I mean, you could have told me to fuck off, so that’s better than the many possible alternatives. You’re here, which is amazing.”

I laughed a little. “Um, I was actually saying 'thank you' for the flowers. I didn’t know what to say to the other part,” I admitted. “I was too surprised.”

“I can understand that.”

Looking away from him, I brought my other hand to my mouth to warily chew on my thumbnail. I could feel the heat crawling up my neck as I even had the thought. “Until that night, I wasn’t even sure that you wanted to be seen in public with me.”

He looked hurt by my words. “Why?”

“Because we never did anything out-”

“Because I was selfish,” he whispered back fiercely, leaning into me. “I didn’t want to share you with anyone else. I wanted every second of time possible with you, alone. The idea of wasting even a minute…” He sat back in a little in his chair and shook his head. “And then Dr. Bitey showed up,” Jasper stopped and shook his head again, taking a big gulp of his pink wine. He finished his glass. “I realized that night that I was in love with you. I am so glad that we didn’t go through with that. It wasn’t the right time, and neither of us was ready.”

Playing my napkin, I nodded. “You’re right. We weren’t.” I looked up at him, finally. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

Jasper rubbed the back of his neck with his fingers, staring at the table. "I knew that I couldn't commit to you the way you deserved. I didn't want to tie you down to… a concept. Because that's all that it would have been. I could say that I was your man, but if I couldn't be there when it mattered-" He paused abruptly. There was shame in the way he spoke. "I knew that it would be unfair to you." 

“It would have been more than a concept.”

He sighed. “No. It wouldn’t. You were right. You are worth more than two nights a month. I tried to convince myself that I could keep my feelings to myself and just have a sexual relationship with you. I wanted to pretend that I could just be selfish with your body. That was a terrible mistake,” Jasper mumbled, looking up to the ceiling. “I’m such a fool.”

“I wanted you to be selfish. You made me feel more beautiful and confident than I ever have before. Even when we weren’t…” I trailed off. The waiter brought Jasper’s next martini. 

“You are more than beautiful. You’re-” Jasper took a deep breath. “Everything. Will you let me try to earn your love?” He asked as he picked up my hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed the top gently. I slowly nodded my head, making him smile. It was genuine and warm, his cheeks heating slightly. He steeled himself again, taking another breath before starting once more. “Thank you. I’m not stupid enough to think that I deserve it and I know that it’ll take time to-”

“I love you, too,” I interrupted his rambling. I may have never said the exact words to myself, but I knew that’s what I had been feeling for months as well. “It wouldn’t have hurt that much if I didn’t.”

His smile got so big, his whole face lit up. Jasper leaned over, quickly pulling me into a kiss. Even when the server brought our cheese plate, he didn’t stop. His fingers curled around the back of my neck, holding my mouth to his. He was sweet and tender, grinning the entire time. When he pulled away, he kissed my forehead so that his lips pressed hard against it for a long time. 

"Really?" He asked against it, making me giggle happily. When I nodded, he grinned. Finally, he sat back in his chair again. "Wow, okay. Good. That's great." Jasper kind of laughed to himself excitedly. "Okay. Um, you should eat." He waved his hand to the platter.  

I laughed at his dopiness. “Really? We just started dating, and you're already bossing me around?" I quipped lightly.  

Chuckling as well, he put his face in his hands. “No. I’m sorry. I’m just-” He laughed almost nervously. “I’m just thrilled. Don’t mind me.” He pushed his hair out of his eyes. It had obviously been a while since he was able to get a haircut. “Uh, so we’re dating?” 

I picked up a candied pecan and put it in my mouth. "Ummm… This better be a fucking date, or I'll be pissed. Then I would actually destroy you." 

He threw his head back in laughter. “Don’t worry, Miss. This is definitely a date.”

“Okay. Good,” I smirked, reaching for his hand again. “So, what are you getting? I’m torn between the half chicken or the filet with mushrooms.”

Jasper looked back at the menu, only glancing for a second. “Actually, me too.”

I hummed quietly, bringing his hand up to my cheek as I leaned into it. “Want to get one of each and split it?”

His face absolutely lit up again. “Perfect. Yeah, that would be great.” 

After dinner, we went to a park that was within walking distance of the apartment. It was in the upper forties, but it wasn’t windy. We held hands under the dark moonless sky, totally alone. We both had too much nervous energy to sit still. So, we just had the car drop us off there. 

“Are you going to be down for Christmas?” I asked curiously. “I guess serial killers don’t take days off.”

“Not usually, no. But I did take a few days off for Christmas Eve and Christmas. I was planning on coming down and spending some time with my family, one way or the other. What about you?” He looked down at me. “What have you got going on?”

“I don’t have any plans,” I answered quietly. 

He stopped to look at me. “You won’t be alone.”

I leaned into him, and he put his arms around me. "It won't be my first one alone, and it probably won't be my last. It's just another day." 

“You can come with me. I mean, if it’s not too soon. If you want to. If you don’t want to spend it with my family, we can-”

I stopped him with a kiss. “I won’t take you away from your family. I don’t know,” I admitted to him. “Let me think about it. Alice invited me to her parents, too. They’re the closest that I got to family now. I really haven’t been in the Christmas spirit, honestly.” 

“Me either, but I want to spend at least part of the day with you no matter what. If that’s okay with you.”

The first time in a long time, I was excited about a holiday. Thanksgiving passed with no notice from me. “I’d like that. So, next month?”

“January twenty-first,” he nodded with a slight smile. “Someone is retiring. It’s a bit of a bump in pay too, which is nice. It’s a great bonus. It’s a small step up that I wasn’t expecting to get yet.”

“That’s good! And that’ll give you time to find a place to live. Do you know what you want? A house or an apartment?” I asked in curiosity. I hadn’t looked for a new home since college. I loved my place. 

“Apartment for sure. I was rather hoping that you’d help me find it, actually.” He looked at me nervously. 

We began to walk again. I hummed as I leaned my head against his shoulder. "Sure. I don't mind helping you with that. You'll just have to give me some basics of what you want, and I'm sure that I can get you a list of good options. You can tell me which ones you like the best, and I'll check them out in person for you." 

“Oh… Let’s see. Um, two-bedroom.” He shook his head before shrugging. “Besides that, I don’t really care about anything else. Whatever you like.”

I laughed in surprise. “It won’t be my home, though.”

"Mm," he thought for a moment before shrugging again. "But it'll only be mine when you're there. Otherwise, it's just a place to sleep. So, pick what you like. Actually, that goes for the inside, too. Let me have a say in the mattress, and you can have my credit card and do whatever you like." 

I laughed louder. “That is a terrible idea! You’ve seen my apartment! It’s a hot mess.”

“Darlin, I have lived in a hotel or a military barrack for almost the past two decades. I couldn’t give less of a damn about what the window-dressing looks like. The only thing that matters right now is you.” 

Drawing away, I spun on my heels to face him. “Damn, you are charismatic, you know that?”

Jasper shrugged his shoulders almost bashfully. “I’m just telling you the truth.”

“What will happen when you move down here?” I asked abruptly. “How do we do this? I don’t know how.” 

He licked his lips, considering it for a moment. “I suppose we date like the vanillas.”

I laughed softly. “How does that work?” 

“Ma’am, I’m sorry to inform you, but I am a novice in that particular field of expertise,” he said puckishly, making me laugh a little more. “I should just start apologizing now for all the ways that I know that I’m going to fuck this up in the future. But I want this with you.”

“I do too.” He took a step towards me, pulling me towards him. He kissed me deeply, bending me back a little with his sweet passion. When we pulled apart, I laid my face against his chest, my heart pounding like a drum against my breast. “Ugh,” I laughed at myself, closing my eyes as I enjoyed the high. “I’m so easy. Dammit.”

Chuckling, he brought me as tightly as he could against him. “Yeah, you really should make this harder on me,” he cheekily stated into my hair before kissing the top of my head. “I am willing to work for it.” 

I nodded solemnly. “Yeah, I really should have you get on your knees and beg a little,” I remarked dryly. 

Jasper went down to his knees in front of me. I instantly began to laugh loudly as he took both of my hands. "I wholeheartedly ask for your forgiveness. Please permit me the privilege to right all of my many mistakes fully and properly." Then he began to kiss my knuckles, each slowly and gently while he held my gaze. "I am not worthy of the precious gifts of your time or energy, but I will do whatever I can to appease your rightful anger, and I will accept any punishment you give me, happily."  

“You are so hot right now,” I whispered just as a jogger went past. She actually stopped to look at us, probably wondering if Jasper was proposing. “Keep going!” I told her rudely, making him laugh. He pressed his face into my stomach to hide it. I ran my fingers through his hair, hugging him to me a little. “Oh, my god. Okay.” I took a deep breath to calm myself down, leaning down to kiss the top of his head. “Please don’t ruin your suit,” I giggled. 

“Ha, okay. Remind me not to tell you where I spent yesterday,” he mumbled as he began to kiss my stomach through the dress. His hands wrapped around my back under my coat. “I will get on my knees for you whenever or wherever you wish.”

Taking his face in my hands, I leaned down and captured his lips in a fiery kiss. He held my cheek, rubbing his thumb over it gently. It was delicious, perfect, and slow. 

“Yeah, I’m going to make you regret saying that,” I smiled wickedly against his mouth when he pulled away.  

“You can try, little girl,” he teased as he stood, picking me up in his arms and spinning me around for a moment before he brought me to him for another kiss. “Bella, I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I smiled. When he kissed me again, it left me perfectly dizzy. 

We finally walked back to my apartment, the night getting to be too cold to handle in a dress. I wasn't ready for the evening to end, but I needed to be honest with him. I felt it build the entire stroll home.  

“I’m not ready to have sex with you again,” I blurted out as soon as I closed the front door behind us. I shut my eyes, embarrassed with myself. “I don’t know when I will be. Or when I will be ready to do another scene.”

“I know!” He assured me quickly. Jasper stepped forward to put a hand on my shoulder comfortingly. “I wouldn’t expect you to be. I’m just happy going to bed in the same county as you again.”

I bit my lip. He was being so sweet. Now that I had him again, I wasn’t ready to let go. “You don’t have to go to bed alone if you don’t want to. But just sleep and snuggles.”

“I’d love that,” he beamed. “That would be great. And in the morning, we could go to breakfast. Then we can spend the day doing whatever you want.”

“Don’t you want to get some rest?” I pulled on his jacket, tugging him closer to me. “I know you have to be tired.”

“No,” he shook his head, his shaggy blond hair falling over his forehead. “I want to take my girlfriend out and make her happy.” 

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