Locke. Chapter Fourteen: In the right headspace

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Chapter Fourteen: In the Right Headspace

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We carried in the groceries together. As I put them where they needed to go, he brought in his laundry. It was in a mesh bag half-filled. He didn't have much in the way of clothing and almost everything else he sent off to be dry cleaned through the hotel. I took them from him and went to the washing machine in the closet by the kitchen. Tanya had some of her clothes in the washer, but mine was in the dryer.  

I pulled the clean ones out and began to take them to the table. He followed behind with the rest. His big arms could hold much more than mine could.

“Thank you,” I smiled.

“Of course,” he remarked in return politely.  

I put Tanya's stuff in the dryer with a couple of fresh-smelling dryer sheets after cleaning the lint trap. I went through every possible step to make sure his clothes smelled as good and were as clean as could be. Jasper kept himself busy by folding mine into neat piles. When I was almost done, he lifted a tiny bright red crop top that tied in a bow at the bottom that I only wore to bed.  

He looked it over hard. “Is this your roommate’s?”

Glancing over at what he had in his hands, I said, "no. Why?"  

He licked the corner of his lips. “Mmm, I want to see you in this and just panties sometime soon.”

"No knee socks?" Jasper slowly blinked at me, still holding the top, as if he was processing the idea. I came to stand in the doorway. Smirking to myself, I crossed my arms over my chest. "Actually, those have little matching shorts that go with it, too. They're just my pajamas." 

“Shit. I should have let you bring them,” he murmured to himself. I laughed and picked up the clothes from the piles to take into my room. They easily fit in my drawers. I kept the pajama set out, both dark red, and grabbed some white knee socks from the top of my dresser. Jasper had followed behind, watching me curiously from the open door. 

I threw off my dress quickly, tossing off my bra and turning around so he couldn’t see my breasts while I did it. Wriggling the shorts up over my thighs, they barely covered my cheeks. The shirt tied neatly in a bow under my breasts, pushing them up a little. Bending over to put on my socks, I wiggled my ass a little to give him a good view.  

“Is this what you wanted to see?” I questioned. I pulled my hair over my shoulder as I looked back at him. He walked up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist so that his hands dragged over my bare skin. “I think it makes me look pudgy,” I confessed with a little giggle.  

“I think you have a cute tummy,” he said in a quiet whisper that almost didn’t match him. I giggled again softly, smiling as I brought my hand behind me to run it over his cheek. He kissed my neck several times, hiding his blushing face. I could feel the heat. “You’re turning me into a softie.”

"I think you were one to begin with, but you just don't get to let it out very often." 

He shook his head. "You know, I didn't even really ask, and you changed into something that you thought would make me happy," he mumbled against my skin.  

“And it was obviously a good idea,” I grinned, bumping my ass back against him. His hand moved up my stomach to my breast, squeezing it through my shirt. “Gotta make up for being a brat in the car somehow.”

Jasper chuckled darkly. “Oh, don’t think that I’ll forget about that little scene just because you show off your cute tits. Your ass is going to pay for that later,” he warned me as he set his chin on my shoulder.

"I hope-" I stopped when I heard the front door open. I turned to look at Jasper, my eyes wide with anxiety. I bit my lip and walked to my doorway, which was still open. Popping my head out, I saw Tanya coming into the living room. She was still fully dolled up, not having washed off her makeup yet from whatever she was doing. "Hey." 

“Hey there!”

“I need you to know that nothing happened last night,” I stated quickly. 

“Oh,” Tanya laughed genuinely. “I know. Edward told me. He said your boyfriend threw him out.” She sat her purse down on the coffee table. 

My eyes went wide, and I shook my head swiftly. "He's not my boyfriend," I whispered very softly.  

“What is he then?” Tanya questioned in puzzlement. 

“My friend,” I breathed, flushing bright red. He had made it quite clear in the morning that I was just his friend and submissive. And I was okay with that because it was more than I ever expected to get in the first place. “Look, it’s not really like that and-”

She made an annoyed face. “He doesn’t seem like just your-”

“He’s here,” I mouthed. Her eyes got wider with surprise. I cleared my throat and shook my head as I looked down. “Look, I want to apologize-”

“What? Why?” She asked, laughing again. “For what, Bella?”

Swallowing slowly, I looked down at my feet again. "Because I made everything awkward. And I should have called you again last night, but I chickened out. Edward is probably mad at me. I shrieked at him practically." 

Tanya snorted. “He’s not at all. He thought you were too cute angry and all protective, actually. Edward was really disappointed. He was looking forward to it before he knew it was you and once he found out it was, he got…” She sort of a dirtily laughed. 

“What?”

“Super excited.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “By the way, I reaped the benefits of that frustration. So thanks for that.”

“Oh, my god,” I laughed, covering my face with both of my hands. “T.”

She giggled. “I’m sorry that you were embarrassed. It’s okay, though. It would have been totally fine if you had gone through with it,” she promised sincerely.

I shook my head quickly. “No. I couldn’t endanger our friendship like that.”

“Aw! Honey!” She walked to my room, pulling me into a tight hug. “I love you. That’s so sweet. But no, seriously. It’s okay. I don’t care. I’m kind of bummed. I wanted to gossip about it.” I pulled back to look at her with a shocked expression. “What?”

“I have no words. Why are you so cool with this?”

She waffled her head from one side to the other. “Okay, so see this from my point of view. Normally, I don’t know who Edward is off doing his weird kinky shit with, which has its pluses and minuses. But if it’s you, it’s perfect for everyone all around. You both get to have fun, I get to know the other woman isn’t a man stealing hoe bag, and we’re both in the same apartment. So, handy for him.”

I threw my head back in laughter. "Oh, no. That's- Tanya. You're… You know what? I love you, too. I do. And I thought I was the fucking weirdo here." 

“Oh, Bella… I have bite marks on my ass right now,” she declared very seriously. Jasper quietly laughed behind us, quickly covering his mouth and clearing his throat. 

“Sorry, it’s just the way you said it,” he breathed, sitting on the bed. 

“You’re not into BDSM, though?” I asked, shaking my head a little. 

Tanya scrunched up her nose then shook her head so that her pretty strawberry blond hair fell over her shoulder. “Um, not like he wants. Like, the nibbling is fun. I really like that. But I don’t want to go as far as he wants. And no one is tying me up and hitting me with anything.” 

“Oh,” I stammered softly. “Understandable.” 

She patted my back gently with a sweet sort of smile. "You should think about it. The sex is great," she admitted, though I knew that well enough from all the other times she gossiped about it. I looked away with a blush, shaking my head with a little laugh. "You know, my poor baby pouted about it all night. He was so disappointed. He was hoping once you spoke to me that you'd calm down, but-" She shrugged.  

“Please,” I smirked. 

She brought her lips to my ear so that Jasper couldn't hear her. "He's been kind of into you for the last couple of months." I pulled back once again to look at her with a raised eyebrow. I shook my head quickly, but she just nodded. Tanya brought her mouth close again. "Ever since he saw you in that robe." I made a face, but she nodded again. 

“Oh, is that why you keep grabbing me around him?!” I questioned in shock. She kind of shrugged, smirking. I covered my face with both of my hands again and laughed. “I’m so blind.”

“It’s not like we’ve ever talked about our sex lives in detail,” Tanya offered evenly. “That’s why I thought you were so innocent!”

“Why are you okay with this?”

She scrunched up her pretty face for just a second. “Because I want to be Mrs. Cullen one day. Edward isn’t going to marry some woman who keeps him locked down. It’s okay for him to wander as long he comes back to me. He’s proven so far to be good with his… leash, so to speak. So, he gets to keep his hobby while getting a trophy wife that he can take home to mommy and I’ll eventually get a big house and a little dog in a ten thousand dollar purse.”

“For money?” I sighed. “You put up with it for money?”

"Oh! No! Not just money! I adore Edward to pieces. He's smart, good looking, charming. I'm not that shallow. I do care for him. I realize that he's kind of a douche sometimes, but…" She trailed off, smiling. "He does love me. I love how protective of me he is. And he's a gentleman. But if he's getting something out of the deal, I should too. I'm not stupid." 

“Do you see other people?” I asked curiously. 

She shook her head. “Nah. One man is enough work for me.” I laughed and sighed at her answer. “I could if I wanted to, but I don’t really want to. Hm, I feel like we’ve learned a lot about each other in the past day,” my roommate continued thoughtfully. 

“Me too,” I snorted. 

Tanya leaned down to whisper again. "What happened after? Edward said you freaked out and tried to leave without your shoes. Then your man grabbed him, shoved him out the door, and slammed it in his face. Which, I'm sorry, I wish I could have watched, because it sounds hilarious." 

"Oh, god. It was terrible. I've never been so angry before. I thought I was going to punch him out when I saw him, and then I just panicked. Nothing happened, really. Jasper and I just talked, and then we had a few drinks. And we ordered dinner. We actually went to bed fairly early," I explained.  

“So, um… Am I interrupting something now?” She took a step back to access my outfit, smiling brightly. “Because… Hey…” She commented in a funny voice. 

I instantly shook my head as I turned neon red. “I was just trying to be cute.” 

“You succeeded.” She poked my stomach and whispered playfully, “belly button.”

“Oh, my god,” I repeated as I slapped her hand away and laughed. 

Tanya grinned brightly, getting an idea. “You need some pigtails!”

“Okay, you can get out now,” I said as I shoved her out of my room. It just made her giggle. 

“I’m sorry,” she laughed, not at all apologetic. “I need to go anyway. I was just coming home to put my clothes in the dryer because I forgot to last night and I need something from it later. We’re on lunch.”

"I already did. They're probably halfway done by now." 

She put her hands on her heart like she was relieved. "Oh, bless you! Thanks!" She gave me a quick hug. "Alright. I'm going to run then. I'll be back later to change, but I'll be out of the house for the rest of the night after. I'm staying at Edward's." 

“Okay. Have a good day.”

“You too!” She smiled. “Nice to see you again, Jasper. We’ll have to actually talk soon since you knew my weirdo in college.”

He kind of awkwardly waved to her, ducking his head. I watched as she left, almost forgetting her purse before going back for it with a giggle. She blew me a kiss and went trotting out the door in her high heels. 

I turn to Jasper. We both made our eyes wide. 

“I like your roommate. She seems genuinely nice,” he offered after a moment of silence. 

“She is,” I agreed. 

"What are you going to do?" Jasper inquired curiously.  

I cocked my head to the side in confusion. “What do you mean?”

"Well, you said yourself that you had a crush on him. She just gave you permission to explore all of your fantasies with him, basically. He's not exactly what you're into, but he would respect your checklist." I began to laugh, making him stop. "What?" 

“Yeah, I’m not going to endanger-”

Jasper interrupted me, lifting his hand. "I'm going to pull out my expert card and say Tanya doesn't have a problem with it at all, but you're obviously very uncomfortable with it." 

I couldn’t look at him, my face burning. “If I did it with the feelings that I have for him, I wouldn’t be a good friend to Tanya. Even if she thinks she’s okay with it.”

“And what sort of feeling do you have for him?” He questioned slowly.

Shrugging my shoulders, I hugged my stomach with one of my arms before I brought my thumb up to chew on my nail. “I’m attracted to him. Obviously.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s a positive in the situation that she’s suggesting.”

I shook my head again. “Jasper, you know what I mean. Ugh, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Please? It’s not going to come up again. Tomorrow everyone will probably pretend it didn’t happen and that’ll be fine. I can act as if I didn’t go and out myself embarrassingly as a stupid slut. And they can continue to suck face constantly, and in two weeks he’ll forget I exist again.”

“You are not stupid or a slut,” he breathed. 

I looked down at myself, lifting my arms. “I think that might be debatable.”

"You are fully dressed and fucking adorable," Jasper growled. "And I may call you a whore and a slut, but I don't actually think you are either of those things or even close. And you know that. So you will not talk down about yourself. Not in front of me." 

“So, get off when you’re called that but don’t call yourself one?” I pondered sarcastically. 

“No! You said that you ‘embarrassingly’ outed yourself. Wording means everything in my business, darlin. I listen to how people talk because it’s almost as important as what comes out of their mouths. You’re ashamed to enjoy what you do. You think it makes you less than for some reason that I don’t understand.”

“Well, obviously, I have self-esteem issues,” I mumbled indignantly. “Don’t act like you don’t understand why. We’re both smarter than that.”

He huffed. “I don’t know where they come from, though.”

“Oh, gosh,” I snapped. “Let's see… my quote-unquote real books have barely sold. I can’t get a publisher to look at me. So I make most of my money off my unfulfilled fantasies because… no one wants me in real life either.” I shrugged angrily. “I haven’t been on a real date since probably… Oh, college? Maybe? No one has even asked. Why would they? And the men who are willing to spend time with me, just want me for sex. Even then, it’s been years before you. And let’s be honest, I’m not getting prettier, or thinner, or younger.”

“Do you think that I just want you for sex?” He asked quietly, a little hurt by my words. 

I looked away in discomfort and hugged my waist again. "No. But you did in the beginning." 

He stood up and walked towards me, taking my forearms. “No. Look at me. Don’t do this to yourself. You are beyond talented. You are my favorite author, honestly. You are so young and gifted. It’ll happen. I promise. You’ll get published, sell a billion books, and people will want to be the next Isabella Swan. And then men will line up at your door to be your slave.”

I snorted. “If that happened, it would just be because I’d have money.”

“Some of them would want that, maybe,” he agreed. “The stupid ones. The smart ones will see how lovely and talented you are.” I shook my head quickly. “Dammit, don’t argue with me about this.”

I didn’t know what to say to him. He was so encouraging and kind. “You’re sweet. I’m really lucky that I found you,” I smiled at him awkwardly before looking away. All I wanted to do was have this conversation end. 

“Come here,” he mumbled, pulling me to his chest and squeezing me tightly to him. “Where’s my confident girl gone?” He whispered into my hair. 

“She got kicked in the face by reality and decided to sit out a few rounds.” 

Jasper laid his cheek on the top of my head, sighing quietly. “See, this is part of the reason that I didn’t want to play tonight. I don’t think either one of us would be in the right headspace.”

"You're probably right," I agreed. I tried to pull away from him, but he wouldn't let me. "I should change." 

“You don’t have to do that,” he said as he hugged me tighter. 

I laughed humorlessly. “I look-” 

“Beautiful,” he cut me off. “Bella… why don’t we lay down for a minute, huh? Just cuddle for a bit? I think we both need it right now.”

Shaking my head, I muttered into his chest, “I should probably put your clothes in the dryer and start the meatloaf. It takes a while.”

He pulled me towards the bed. "Just for a little bit. We can do all of that in a few minutes," he promised encouragingly. Jasper kicked off his boots and sat on the edge of my little mattress again. "Please?" 

I slowly nodded, and he pulled me so that I was practically laying on top of him on my tiny twin bed. Burying my face in his chest again, I breathed his scent in deeply. Both of his big arms went around me, holding me tightly. Somehow, I fell asleep like that.    

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