Imperfectpictures

9/27/2019

Episode Ninety-three: Waking up Alone

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Episode Ninety-three: Waking up alone

I had promised Edward in the days before that I would go to the set with him, even if I told him I didn’t want to do it all the time. When I woke up alone, I felt guilty instantly. It was sunny outside, just after ten in the morning. I grimaced, pressing my hand to my face. The brightness hurt my eyes and my soul just a little.

I reached over to the nightstand beside the bed and picked up the cell phone so that I could quickly text him. “Why didn’t you wake me up?” I asked. “I’m sorry. I said I would go with you today. I wanted to.” It made me feel so callus for making him feel like I didn’t want to go. I hadn’t realized what I said.

Edward answered just a moment later. “You were too asleep. I didn’t want to bother you. You don’t have to come.” I frowned at his words. I closed my eyes, angry at myself.

“I just can’t all day, every day, like I know you’d prefer. I was just grouchy yesterday. This isn’t what I wanted to happen. I’m sorry.” My heart began to speed up in my chest, and I was on the verge of tears again. I hated how much I was crying lately.

The phone rang just a few seconds later. Shaking just a little, I brought it to my ear. “Would you stop apologizing?” He chuckled warmly instead of saying hello. “I’m not upset. You were just too cute to wake up, and we went to bed so late. Love, it’s fine. I promise. I understand what you meant.”

Trying to calm my overreaction down, I took a deep breath, I let it out through my nose. “I’ll get a car and come up there if you want me to still. I’d like to.”

"Mm, actually it wouldn't have been a good day to come anyway. It’s boring as fuck right now. We're having some sort of electrical problem. So, I'm in the trailer, goofing around, and playing on my Switch," he explained nonchalantly.

“Oh,” I said quietly. “What are you playing?” I didn’t know what else to say or ask.

"It's a building game I just bought, but I don't think I like it. I'm shite at it," he mumbled in annoyance. "I'm probably going to lunch with Sarah in a little while if that's alright."

I clicked my tongue, shaking my head as I pushed my hair out of my eyes. “You don’t have to ask me. It sounds like fun. I really do like her.”

There were a couple of clicks of silence. “Mm, I just wanna check, you know? It just feels like a good idea. I’ve never gone out without you before. I mean, besides Seth, Tyler, and Lauren and I don’t think they count,” he replied smartly. “And yeah. I like her, too,” he agreed, and then he chuckled for a moment. “She’s already figured me out.”

“What do you mean?”

Edward hummed for a moment. “We were talking about you this morning. She joked about her gaydar and how she was worried about it being off because she thought I was gay the first time we met. Before we even spoke.”

I rolled over onto my side, looking out onto the mountains. Smirking to myself, I stretched my arms out above my head as I got more comfortable. “Oh, Well, you’re not gay, so it’s not as finely tuned as it could be,” I answered. “Did you tell her?”

“No…” He trailed off. There was another pause, this one a little longer. “What am I, though?”

“Bisexual. Pan, maybe. I don’t know. Maybe queer, like me,” I replied with a small shrug.

“I don’t know,” he softly spoke. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.”

I laughed lightly. “I can only imagine.”

He sighed heavily as if it weighed him down. “Why don’t I know? Why did it take so long to even get to this point? There are certainly more things about men that I find attractive lately, but not anyone that I would want to be with besides Jasper. I tried to think if I would want to be with someone who was a different gender than those standard two, and I just don’t know. I can’t think about anybody but you and him. You fill my head and... it’s enough.”

I smiled at his sweetness. “Do you really need a label?” I questioned gently.

“I like them. They help,” he breathed anxiously. I wished I was with him so that I could have given him some sort of comfort. It made me feel worse for not going with him, even if he said otherwise.

“So, you’re bi for now. Sexuality is fluid. In two years, you could consider yourself pansexual. Or something else.”

“Why do you like the term queer? It was an insult for so long. It still is to some.”

I had thought about this a million times. “Because I am. I am the definition of queer. There is nothing about me that is just like anyone else. I’ve always been wildly unique, and I don’t want to be like anyone else. I want to be queer,” I stated without hesitation.

There was another pause on the other side of the phone. I wished I could see his expression. “You know, I think I want to be, too,” he finally responded.

“You don’t have to do that. Not for me.”

Edward laughed once. "Don't you think everything you just said applies to me too? There is nothing about me that is like anyone else, Bella. I am unique, and I've never wanted to be like anyone else. I've always just wanted to be me, but I've never known how to be comfortable in my own skin until you showed me how," he said, his voice serious. "Or at least started to. I have a feeling it is a process."

"Probably." I took in a shaky deep breath. "I guess that's true.” I didn’t know how to help him with his feelings. “Do you think you'll ever come out? To the press or your family?"

He hummed softly, and I could hear his chair creak as he adjusted in it. "I guess that I've sort of have already to my sisters. They're full of questions, and they're trying to be sneaky about them. I doubt I'll ever tell them the exact details. I don't know."

“I wish we could come out to them about Jasper at least. I don’t know if it would bother them, really. I think they really love him, too.”

“They actually do. I don’t know. I think Irina would be okay. Tanya, too. I don’t know about Carmen. She’s the most conservative of the bunch. I mean, she’s nothing like my mother.”

“She just wants you to be happy. They all do. Except for your mother,” I clarified quickly. “Carmen would come around.”

“I know. They’re all delighted that he’s moving in with us. The girls have been worried about him. They kept inviting him to things before, and he was declining in the past. But he’s gone to lunch with Tanya and Liam, and he watched Ava for a couple of hours the other day when Irina had an emergency. She took him to dinner to say thank you. Talked to Sasha on the phone.”

I smiled as I thought about him with the baby. I had a pang of longing. Everyone my age was having children. “I love all the pictures of him with the girls. They all just look at him like he’s magical,” I giggled.

“Maybe he is,” he mumbled under his breath, making me laugh a little louder. “So, what are you going to do today?”

I shrugged. Honestly, I was a little depressed for reasons I couldn’t fully explain. I didn’t know if I wanted to do anything at all. “I don’t know. There is always more editing to do.”

“Why don’t you go out and do something fun?” Edward countered.

I flopped down onto my back again. “Like what?”

“Shopping?” He offered right away. I actually barked out a loud laugh. It almost sounded mean.

“Fun for me. Not fun for you,” I scolded playfully. He laughed a little. “I don’t know,” I repeated. “I haven’t gotten out of bed yet.”

“So jealous. Of the bed. I want you to lay on me instead,” he teased flirtatiously. Then he sighed. “Seems I am being summoned finally. I’ll text you later when I can.”

“Okay. Break a leg and have fun at lunch. I love you.”

I laid in bed for a few minutes, just sort of staring up at the ceiling. My cell phone was laying on my chest. I wanted the mattress to swallow me up. When the tiny electronic vibrated, it made me jump.

It was an unexpected call from Tyler. I wasn’t even positive he had ever talked to me on the phone before, besides on text. “Hello?” I said slowly, a little unsure. I kind of expected him to have accidentally butt-dialed me, and I was about to hear him in the car or something.

“Hey! I wanted to reach out and let you know that we got the pictures. We love them so much. Lauren cried,” he started right away in a happy rush. It actually surprised me.

“How unusual,” I teased very lightly as I put my hand on my heart.

He chuckled. “Thank you so much. I can’t tell you what they mean to us.”

“I’m glad you like them.”

Tyler cleared his throat softly like he was nervous for some reason. "So, I'm all by my lonesome today, and I understand that so are you. I was wondering if I could take you out to lunch to say thank you for the pictures-"

“You don’t have to do that!” I laughed, almost in embarrassment. It felt like too much. “Lauren bought me breakfast and lunch. Though going out to eat sounds fun. I don’t mind buying my own food.”

“Please! Those pictures would have cost us hundreds if you charged us as you should have. And that was Lauren saying thank you for going shopping and doing her makeup, all that girly shit. I want to say thank you to you in my own way. The better way. With beer and wings.”

I laughed again. “Ooo, beer and wings,” I replied dryly, making him chuckle once more warmly. “Sure, sounds great.”

“Great! Next question. Would you like to make a video with me today?”

I was a little surprised by his offer. “What kind of video?”

“I’m going to do one of my VHS reviews. Old shit that I’ve found at swap meets or whatever, and we rip it apart. I’ll let you pick the movie. I’ve got a whole box. There will be popcorn and snacks. It’s a good time,” he explained.

I only had to think about it for a minute. He was going to help me with all of my videos, it was only fair that I returned the favor. His was probably much easier, too. “Sounds like fun. I need to get ready. Is one good? Do you want to meet somewhere?” I asked, sitting up in bed as I thought about what I needed to do to get ready. Shower, do my hair and makeup, get dressed…

“Nah, I’ll pick you up. No need to waste money on an Uber. I’ll see you then. Wings really good?” Tyler inquired just to make sure.

“Mm, yes,” I hummed.

“Alright, kiddo. See you soon,” he concluded before hanging up.

After staring at my phone in surprise for a moment, I texted Edward that I was going to spend the day with Tyler and that we would be filming for the channel. He quickly replied, telling me that to have fun and that he couldn’t wait to see what we shot together.

I hastily got ready, doing my makeup and hair since he wanted to make a video too. It was also probably smart to pack another shirt, just in case the wings were too messy. I wanted to be as professional as possible.

When he pulled up, I went outside to meet him. Tyler actually hurriedly got out so that he could open the car door for me. He swept his arm out and did a bow as he ushered me inside.

“Wow, you’re a gentleman,” I praised warmly.

“Got a set a good example for the kids,” he chuckled once he got back inside. “Gotta get in the habit now.”

“You’re going to be a great father. Really,” I smiled. “Your kids are going to be so lucky to have you. I would have been over the moon to have a fun dad like you.”

He reached over and squeezed my hand for just a second. “You’re a sweet kid. Please don’t make me cry. Being around Lauren has made me too emotional.”

“I can tell,” I giggled, thinking about his reaction at the beach. “I feel like all the men that I’ve met in the past year would all make really great fathers, actually. You. Seth. Eddie. Jasper. Jake.”

"Yeah. Maybe not Seth," he joked. "I like Jasper," he added, nodding his head in agreement. "I know Eddie is pleased about him coming to Los Angeles. Are you okay with him living with you two?"

“Yes, I can’t wait for him to come,” I insisted excitedly. “I love him. He’s so wonderful to be around. And I like watching them together. They make each other so happy.”

Tyler nodded thoughtfully. “You know, I like your attitude. Sometimes women in relationships aren’t very supportive of their partner’s friendships, but you’re very cool. You’re like Lauren in that way. She’s always entertained my bromance with Seth, probably more than she should.”

I laughed at his funny words. “Um, well, in a healthy relationship, you just want what’s best for your partner. Part of that is having strong friendships. But I connected with Jasper too, in my own way. He’s my friend now. And he’s miserable in Sydney. It would be better for him to get out of there and better for Edward to be around his best friend.” I paused for a second. “Seth really is a nice guy. I can understand why you value your bromance so much,” I teased a little. He laughed, pulling in front of the restaurant in a parking space.

“Honestly, it’s the longest and healthiest relationship that I’ve ever had. We’ve known each other for like fifteen years. Anyway,” he chuckled. “So, wanna share something spicy? Unlike your little bitch of a boyfriend, I enjoy the heat.”

Swatting him hard, I laughed again. “Don’t call your boss a bitch.”

He opened his mouth as if he was shocked. “You’ve called him a bitch!”

“Yeah!” I said as I got out of the car to follow him inside. “He’s not my boss, either. And I haven’t called him one since we started dating.”

Tyler just chuckled meanly.

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