Imperfectpictures

5/23/2019

Episode Eighteen: Toxic Masculinity

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Episode Eighteen: Toxic Masculinity

I was awoken that morning by my cell phone ringing at seven something. I couldn't see the numbers exactly. Edward would be filming the next few days, but that wasn't until later in the afternoon. I groped at the phone, bringing it to my ear blindly.

“Yeah?”

“Did I wake you?” Demetri asked loudly into the phone. I pulled it back away from my ear.

“Yes,” I mumbled.

“Bitch, on a weekday? It's almost lunchtime.”

“Well, in LA it's fucking early, bitch,” I snapped back. Edward made a curious face, all scrunched up and sleepy. Worried, but still barely able to open his eyes.

“Oh, you're in LA? I thought that was last week.”

“I'm on a vacation,” I explained to my friend. I could hear the subway intercom in the background.

“Why didn't you tell me! I'm so jealous! I was going to ask you to lunch since I'm in Queens today for a doctor's appointment.”

“You should take Al to arepas since I won't be there two Fridays in a row,” I told him. “It's her favorite right now.” We went out for dinner together almost every Friday night since we were in high school. It was a tradition.

“Oh, that sounds good. That place by the office has the best pulled pork ones. With plantains and some black beans. Yas. I'll ask her. So, is it sunny? What have you been doing? Drinking? Laying in the sand?” He asked me excitedly.

“It's late October. It's a bit cold for that. There was a big storm Monday and Tuesday and rained a little Thursday but other than that it's been great weather. I've actually just been laying in bed with a sexy man,” I said, almost as if I was bored.

I felt Edward smile against my shoulder before kissing it lightly.

“Oh, and what does he look like?” Demetri thought I was full of shit. Usually, because I was.

I smiled to myself. “Six five, two hundred pounds maybe, muscular. Broad shoulders and chest. Nice ass. The sharpest jaw you've ever seen. High cheekbones. Reddish hair, especially in the light. Gorgeous green eyes. Pale like he's not seen the sun... ever.”

He buried his face in my back, snickering as he did. I could feel the heat from his cheeks. It was hard not to giggle and squirm.

“What book you reading?” He asked. “I'm going to have to borrow that. Sounds hot.”

I pulled back the phone and put it on speaker. I whispered to Edward, “say hello.”

“Hello,” he said brightly, his chin on my shoulder. Demetri shrieked. “Oh, god,” Edward laughed.

“Girl, I thought you were talking about one of those vampire books Rosalie likes. What is your name, sugar?” Demetri asked excitedly.

“My name is Eddie. Nice to meet you,” he replied politely.

Demetri gasped. “Wait. What? Wait! No! No, no, and no. Are you banging that homeboy you were supposed to take pictures of? The one you made me watch videos of the other day?” Dramatic bitch.

“I didn't make you watch them, asshole. I showed you. You clicked next for two hours, not me. And, I waited to 'bang' him until after I took the pictures,” I said with as much dignity as I could muster. “Like the next day and everything.”

“Bells. honey, I need you to give yourself a high five for me,” Demetri said very seriously. “Just imagine I am high fiving you so hard. Right now. Do it. Do it for me.”

“That's what she said,” I taunted him.

“Do it!” He shouted.

“Oh, I'll help.” Edward gave me an awkward high five. I giggled and almost dropped the phone. “Fuck, that wasn't very good.” He tried again after adjusting the angle. This time it was loud enough to make a clap.

“Oh, my god. He's so cute. Are you going to keep him?”

“He's not a lost puppy,” I laughed. “He's coming to Thanksgiving.”

"Yay! I love it. I can't wait. I am so ready for your food. I was going to wear my fat pants, but now I'm going to have to be looking sexy if you're coming, handsome."

“You're a married man. Wear your damn fat pants,” I sassed.

“Think they have sexy fat pants?” He questioned.

“You still got some Juicy in your closet?” I asked.

Demetri laughed, “heavens, no.”

"Well, I guess yoga pants are the new comfy fat pants, and I've definitely seen some fine looking women in yoga pants," I pointed out to him. "But I mean, I might just like women's asses in general," I joked.

“It's because that shit is a wonder bra for your ass. I want to be buried in yoga pants so I can be comfortable forever.”

I rolled my eyes a little. “With a pair of Uggs, a pumpkin spice latte, some crystals, and a bottle chardonnay.”

“I feel personally attacked,” he joked dryly.

I yawned and stretched, “it's because you are a basic bitch. Bitches feel attacked about basically everything. They are sensitive as fuck.”

“Boo, you whore,” he said mockingly.

“What you going to do? Ask to speak to my manager?” I taunted him further.

“Yes! I'm going to call Alice. Tell her you're a heartless skank hoe.”

I shook my head slightly. “Alright, well. She already knows. Tell her that I love her and miss her.”

“Okay, baby! I will. Have a good time and take lots of pretty pictures. Love you!” He said sweetly.

“Love you, too.” I told him before quickly adding, ”try the new mini cheese and chicken empanadas. They're so good. With that creamy green sauce. Whatever the fuck it is. The stuff on the table.”

“Sounds perfect! Call me when you get back into town! We'll talk about the show then. Bye!” Demetri said before he hung up.

“That was interesting,” Edward laughed as he brushed my hair away from my cheek.

“That's Demetri. He's the former makeup artist I was telling you about. He runs a sweet little vintage theater in Brooklyn now. That's where the show is. He's a doll. I've been friends with him for over a decade now. He used to be my dance partner before he got hurt. He broke his back. His husband is the most angelical person ever, being able to put up with his dramatic ass all the time. You'd love them.”

“I can't wait to meet all of your friends,” he told me as he lightly kissed my cheek.

Since we were awake, we decided to work out together again. I very much enjoyed watching him shirtless and sweating. It was the best way to spend thirty minutes on an elliptical. We made out after in the shower, hot and slow under the pounding water. I wasn't the only one that enjoyed working out together.

That day was a review of a breakfast restaurant and another one of those challenge videos. This time it wasn't spicy. It was a crazy five-pound hot dog topped with chili, cheese, and french fries. I declined to be a part of the challenge. I would order myself something spicy, but I didn't want that kind of hurt. I was happy to be in the breakfast video, though. They were supposed to film there on Tuesday, spreading their food out some, but it didn't work out that way.

Since I wasn't going to have to make us breakfast, I took the time to do my hair and makeup again. Edward finished getting ready before me, my hair still up in a towel to soak up some of the extra water before I tried to style it. He kissed my ear where there was no makeup.

“I don't think it smells like a brownie. I think it smells a bit like a biscuit though. Shortbread.” He took a long sniff, making me giggle.

"That's because it's a sugar cookie one. It's one of the Christmas ones you got me. The other is gingerbread." I opened the eyeshadow palette, and he sniffed it quickly.

“I kind of want to lick it.”

“It tastes sweet, apparently,” I informed him, putting it away before he could get any ideas.

“And it looks like a chocolate bar. I bet so many kids have eaten it,” he chuckled to himself. “I hope it's non-toxic.”

"I would think so, but I don't think you want to be snacking on it," I smirked slightly.

“Speaking of snacking, I'm going to make some coffee. Would you like some?” He offered.

“Yes, please.”

I did my hair so that it was straight again and wore a comfortable blue jean skirt and my busy rainbow shirt, just in case I dropped breakfast on myself. I also stuffed an extra into my camera bag. Edward brought me a travel mug of coffee made up just the way I liked it.

“Hey, your face! I like it!” Seth made a circular motion at his own face as a way of greeting instead of hello. “You did new fancy things.”

“It's called makeup,” Tyler said to him calmly. “You do look very nice. My girlfriend loves that thing with the eyeliner. But she gets mad every time she does it. What is it? Cat eyes?”

“Yeah,” I nodded my head, “it's super hard. It took a couple tries to get it right.”

“I've seen her cry over it. She's thrown things. It's a mess.”

I laughed despite myself. I understood. “I've cried too, but usually just because I've stabbed myself in the eye.”

"I've seen her do that, too," Tyler nodded thoughtfully. Edward just looked confused by the whole exchange. He shook his head and went to the car.

The breakfast place wasn't just a breakfast restaurant I learned. They were a Hawaiian soul food restaurant with a breakfast menu that had all-you-can-eat pancakes and drinks, and all-you-can-eat chicken but only on Sundays. It was busy since it was a Friday right at lunchtime. The whole place smelled amazing. It was the weirdest combination of sweet, savory, and a little smokey.

I took pictures while Edward spoke to the owner, and Seth and Tyler set up. We would be taking turns trying foods in the corner of the restaurant reserved just for us. Eddie was getting a lot of curious looks from the crowd, unsurprisingly.

"Bella, this is Kai. He's the owner, and he'll be hooking us up today," he introduced us. The big man shook my hand.

“Hi. This is so exciting. I've not had Hawaiian before. Unless you count spam and rice,” I joked.

"I don't know. That's pretty Hawaiian," he teased back with a big happy smile. His eyes were almost black, but they were very warm. "Especially if you add a little egg. I eat that a lot for breakfast."

“Spam is... isn't it that slimy meat in a can?” Edward asked in confusion. “Is that a thing in Hawaii?”

"Hawaii doesn't have a lot of room for animals for meat, so fresh meat is expensive. Canned meat provides a cheaper alternative. It's got a following in Japan for the same reason," I explained to Edward like a nerd. I realized that Seth was filming me. "It's also good if you poor white trash in Texas. Fry it up in some butter," I thickened my accent as I spoke directly into the camera. "Melt some cheese on top. Fry up an egg and put it on some fluffy ass white bread. Eat that with some Pringles. I'll tell you what... It's better than going to bed hungry."

“I'll tell you what,” Seth copied in a fake southern accent and laughed.

"Wah Uh T," I sounded the accent out. "You got to say that W sounds really long. Uh. Hard T., What?" I repeated it in the accent.

Tyler started doing a Foghorn Leghorn impersonation, making both Kai and Edward crack up.

“I feel personally attacked right now,” I said in a Georgia peach accent, using Demetri's joke from earlier. And then I started doing my own Foghorn impression. “Well, I do say, I do say that you sir if you don't quit a talkin' so much your tongue is libel to get sunburnt.”

Tyler clutched his shirt dramatically, making me laugh at his fake offense.

We spent the afternoon day drinking and laughing as we sampled pancakes with guava, and their special fried chicken, bloody Mary's, and Mimosas. We tried about a dozen dishes. I had new meals I was going to try to make at home. I was extremely excited.

Thankfully we didn't have to go to the hot dog place directly after. We had a couple of hours in between so we went to the beach so Seth and Tyler could get some more transition shots. It was always a fun place to film. Edward and I sat on a bench and people-watched.

“I should take you out and not just for work,” Edward said suddenly, almost worried.

I rubbed his thigh gently. “You didn't know I was going to be here this week. You couldn't bend your work or the weather to your will. It's okay, though. I've really enjoyed having you to myself at home.”

“Wouldn't you like to go dancing or something?” He asked softly.

I shrugged. “Sure, when we get the chance again. We went just last week.”

“That was for work...” He trailed off. “I wanted you so badly on that rooftop. I wanted to just grab and kiss you. I was actually trying not to cry,” he admitted with a sigh. I don’t think he was entirely comfortable telling me.

“Oh sweetheart,” I said softly, touching his hand that was resting on his lap.

“Not very manly, I know,” he said with a little scoff.

I scoffed myself at the very idea. “Depends on what you consider manly. I don't see how a man who doesn't know his own emotions is much of a man at all.”

“You said you weren't much of a crier,” he pointed out.

I felt a little frustrated. “Just because I don't cry easily doesn't mean I don't feel and understand the emotions. I just have a harder time releasing those emotions outwardly. That's a fault, not a positive. It's not a sign of strength. Boys don't cry. Big girls don't cry. It's all outdated and part of the reason people used to not live to forty. You can't hold it in. So, get that toxic masculinity idea out of your head because it's just another lie your anxiety can hold on to.”

We were quiet after that for a little while.

“I hope I didn't upset you,” I finally said.

He bit his bottom lip before glancing over at me. "No. Not at all. I'm just... overwhelmed? I guess. I don't know. You're so much more mature than me, and sometimes I really feel it. It's not a bad thing, on your side. Maybe on mine."

“You are far more put together than most adults your age,” I told him truthfully. “It's not fair to compare us in that sense. And, I sleep on a couch most the time in footie Pikachu pajamas. You've known me a week, baby. I am a tall child masquerading as a short adult.”

“Almost two weeks,” he interrupted. “Aw, footie pajamas? Really?”

"I have a whole collection of them sent by Mrs. Brandon," I admitted with a little laugh in my voice. So did Alice. Usually three sizes too big because that's how we liked them. "New York is cold, and I have no one to keep me warm. I'm kind of in love with them."

“I'll keep you warm,” he offered up seductively.

“You going to come to Queens and snuggle up in my twin size bed, under three blankets, because it's zero outside?” I asked him. “The couch isn’t big enough for the two of us.”

“Or,” he began, holding a finger up, “or, I could keep you warm by flying you to sunny Los Angeles during the long cold New York winters.”

“But, I love the winters. I wouldn't get to see snow,” I pouted a little.

He didn't fully expect that answer. “Well... I could keep you warm by getting a nice room with a good heater and a king-sized bed. And we can snuggle up under as many blankets as you like.”

“The bed size is the bigger problem?” I questioned curiously.

“I'm too big for a twin bed,” Edward stated simply.

“I can see that.” I smirked at him. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer to him. I laid my head on his shoulder.

He rested his head lightly against mine. "Maybe we should try to get a weekend away somewhere cold and snowy this winter. Since you love snow so much. Spend a couple of days in a cabin with a roaring fire, in the mountains, maybe."

“That sounds so romantic,” I said wistfully. “Where do you think? Maine or somewhere in Poconos? Colorado would be so lovely.”

"I've not gone to Colorado yet. I've been wanting to go to Denver," he said pensively. "It's something to think about. By the way, I have the ticket for your flight at home. It's next Friday at two. It's a nonstop one, and you should arrive back in New York at around eleven. Is that alright? Or is that too late?"

"No, it's fine. I've gotten in later. I'll still be on LA time, and there are always taxis no matter the time," I assured him. "Thank you."

He kissed my cheek softly. “It's selfish. I want you to save yours so you can use it to see me whenever you want to.”

“Just drop by anytime, unannounced?” I joked.

Edward smiled widely. “Yes, please. I love a good surprise.”

I was a little stunned. He seemed to have everything in his life planned out by the hour. “I wouldn't want to do that to you. You have such a busy schedule.”

“Okay, please,” he scoffed, “I'm not that busy. Besides, I like having you here with me. I’m honestly surprised how…” he trailed off. “It's so easy to interact with you on camera, too. You don't mind these, do you?”

"Not at all. Really," I promised him with a slight smile. "It's a lot of fun. I get to talk to people with common interests. Eat food I've never had before. I think you're just being kind to me when you praise me about being on camera, though."

“Well, the only way to prove for sure is the view count. I've got plenty of videos with you coming out soon enough. You'll see for yourself. They already love you,” he said confidently.

“You lie.”

“Read the comments,” he chuckled. “Actually, maybe don't. Perverts. Anyway, you add a little diversity to this sausage party.”

I pulled back to look at him. “Wait. Am I the token chick for your boy gang? Am I the Webby to your Huey, Louie, and Dewey?”

Edward laughed, “only since coming to America. I had loads of female friends back home. I'd do videos with my mates Lucy, Kelly, and Melly all the time.”

“It sounds like you made up those name,” I teased him.

“Melly and Kelly are twin sisters,” he explained. It still didn't help. “Her name is Melania, really. But she goes by Melly.”

“Honestly, it still sounds made up. It sounds like the names you'd make up for fake twins in a Penthouse letter. Dear Penthouse, the greatest thing happened to me today. I met twins with big boobies named Kelly and Melly. They let me play with them!”

“No,” he laughed again and blushed a little. “Okay, well, only Kelly. A little bit. Over the shirt. And that was a drunken pash in college. It was weird. I instantly apologized afterward.”

“Aw,” I laughed at his awkwardness.

“She's engaged to a mate of mine now. It's nice,” he said in a soft, sweet tone. “They're a good match. I'm happy for them.”

We people-watched a little longer until it was finally time to leave.

Seth and Tyler filmed Edward interviewing the owner of the hot dog restaurant named Shorties. He and Tyler would be doing the five-pound challenge while I would be tasting some of their signature shorties, two-bite hot dogs that you could order in a bunch of styles so you could sample more than one. One of the chili's claimed to be the 'world's hottest,' so I ordered it. Edward did ask me nicely to consider it, but it obviously made him pleased when I made the selection of the four I would try.

They had an in-house made root beer in specialty flavors like butter pecan and pumpkin spice. I didn't like the pumpkin spice but I really enjoyed the butter pecan, and I rarely drank sodas ever. But, I would drink it again if I had the chance.

I got my small hot dogs first, all in a neat little row. There was mild chili cheese, a Chicago dog, A San Francisco dog all wrapped in bacon, and the world's spicy little chili dog, which came in its own small red cardboard boat. Edward filmed me while Seth and Tyler filmed the kitchen.

He had me try everything and describe how it tasted and what I liked. I would describe the textures of each bite. I saved the spiciest one for last. I used a fork and knife to cut it in half since it was so messy. I put the whole bite in my mouth and instantly tasted nothing but burning. I swallowed quickly, washing it down with the root beer.

“Think I could handle the other bite?” Edward asked from behind the camera.

I shook my head quickly, “no.” I covered my mouth as my lips and nose seared and sweat formed at my brow. There were so many of the whole seeds in the bite. I didn't taste good. It was just hot for the sake of being hot. “Zero hot dogs out of five. The heat is a gimmick, just have the regular chili dog and enjoy the flavor of something.”

I shoved a bunch of fries dipped in mayo and ketchup to get the taste out of my mouth.

“Hey, Seth, man. You wanna try the spicy hot dog? Bella said it was nothing,” Eddie lied to his friend as he came out of the kitchen.

“Fuck no, I'm not stupid. Her mouth is asbestos,” he told his boss flat out and then flipped him off aggressively when he evilly laughed.

“Oh, okay. I guess you're not man enough to even try,” he grinned meanly.

Seth put his hands on his hips, making a little angry face. “Spice level is not the measure of a man.”

“Okay,” Edward said sarcastically, riling him.

Seth marched over the table where I was sitting. He reached for the hot dog, but I snatched the boat away quickly.

“No. Don't. He's a lying liar who lies. You'll die.”

“Oh, you see that!” Seth pointed at a smirking and amused Eddie. “She's nicer than you! You're a punk ass bitch.”

“I should have let you eat it,” I told my boyfriend brassily.

Tyler came over and took the boat without a word. He popped the whole bite in his mouth. He stood chewing for a long time before swallowing.

“No,” he finally said as he shook his head before taking a big drink of his soda. “Yeah. That was a mistake,” he said calmly.

“Y'all are going to hurt yourselves one day,” I warned them all. “You're going to ruin your stomachs trying to impress each other. Burn a hole like battery acid.”

“Nah,” Edward laughed as he handed off the camera to Seth. “Now, let's eat us a five-pound hot dog.”

He managed it but regretted it. Tyler ate half, then switched places with Seth. They had planned it all along, goading Edward into eating quickly. Eddie might have had it coming.

Back: Episode 17

Next: Episode 19